Experience: I made peace with my daughter’s killer

This is not about forgiveness. What happened cannot be changed; this is our way of dealing with it

My daughter Renske met her boyfriend Samarie on the train. She was heading from the Netherlands to Switzerland; he was an asylum seeker from Benin. They got chatting and exchanged phone numbers. That was how it started. They had a good relationship. He was attentive and they were very respectful towards each other. They spent holidays with me and my wife Lieuwkje.

Just before midnight on 13 April 2011, I saw on the news that a girl had been killed in Baflo, where Renske lived. About an hour later, they showed a picture of the scene, and I recognised her flat. I called the police and said, "I think my daughter is the victim of the incident in Baflo." At 5am, two officers came to the house and we learned what had happened.