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Updated 2018-11-13 22:19
Australian’s 19-Year Squat Is Successful
Still, you should think twice before trying to adversely possess someone else's house. Related StoriesPlay-Doh Smell TrademarkedLandlord Who Banned “Coloured” Tenants Claims It Was About the Curry SmellLawsuit Claims “Farley”-Brand “Fat Bikes” Infringe on Chris Farley
Assorted Election Stupidity
As if it wasn't ridiculous enough to begin with. Related StoriesMan Accused of Nude Swim With Sharks Also Wanted for Assault at Medieval TimesSeriously, Can We Get the Word Out Re: Water Escapes?Two More Attempted Water Escapes Fail
Good Reason to Kill #74: Guy Pissed You Off in Antarctica
The specific reason for the assault is not entirely clear, but it's getting on the list because Antarctica. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #73: Took Your Seat During KaraokeIndian Supreme Court Holds Wink Didn't Violate Blasphemy LawGood Reason to Kill #72: Appeared to Be Cheating at Golf
Canada to Legalize Witchcraft
Technically, it is just decriminalizing the offense of pretending to practice witchcraft, but that would have been a crappy headline. Related StoriesMan Accused of Nude Swim With Sharks Also Wanted for Assault at Medieval TimesUPDATE: Judge Rules Province Has No Duty to Recognize Bigfoot“Crickets.”
“Worst Robbers in Belgium” Agree to Come Back at Closing Time
More to steal that way, you see. Related StoriesAnother Attempted Water Escape FailsGuy With Axe Embedded in Roof of Car Gets ProbationSpaghetti Arsonist in a Bull Onesie? I'm Guessing It's Florida
Now Go Away or I Shall Taunt You a Second Time
A bill that would make it illegal to make fun of another French person's accent. Related StoriesAuthor of “How to Murder Your Husband” Accused of Murdering HusbandIndian Supreme Court Holds Wink Didn't Violate Blasphemy LawCity Ordered Not to Sue Resident for Complaining About Stench
Updates!
Giant rabbits, mysterious enemas, convicted Ponzi schemers, and more, all included in this here update. Related StoriesIn re: Sssotlohiefmjn v. Michigan State PoliceSome UpdatesSome Announcements
Clown Says He Will Seek a Third Term
Nobody thought he would win the first time, either. Related StoriesLawmaker Agrees to Stop Administering Noogies to PublicCampaign Funds Used for Rabbit Travel“Dumbest Insider Trading Crime I've Ever Seen” Was Pretty Dumb
Man Accused of Nude Swim With Sharks Also Wanted for Assault at Medieval Times
It was a busy night. Related StoriesSeriously, Can We Get the Word Out Re: Water Escapes?Two More Attempted Water Escapes FailMan Blames Tiny Clowns for Firearms Offense
Plaintiff Blames Fall on Free Drinks He May or May Not Have Consumed
Under the circumstances, I think he might as well sue gravity. Related StoriesSeriously, Can We Get the Word Out Re: Water Escapes?Good Reason to Kill #70: May Have Stolen Your SocksSpaghetti Arsonist in a Bull Onesie? I'm Guessing It's Florida
Good Reason to Kill #73: Took Your Seat During Karaoke
Best to avoid karaoke altogether, actually. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #72: Appeared to Be Cheating at GolfGood Reason to Kill #71: Argued About Who'd Play Aretha Franklin in the Aretha Franklin MovieShrubbery Nice, Not Too Expensive, But Also Not Probable Cause
Law Says Scotland Can No Longer Put the Shetland Islands in a Box
Just because they're way up north doesn't mean you can discriminate in terms of map placement. Related StoriesVirginians! You Now Have an Extra 22 Hours to Kill Raccoons on Sunday“Pretty Sure Stank Is Patented,” Lawyer Claims—But It's ComplicatedSnake-Mailing Rules Revisited
Assorted Stupidity #117
In this edition: nothing about the United States Supreme Court. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #116Assorted Stupidity #115Assorted Stupidity #114
Seriously, Can We Get the Word Out Re: Water Escapes?
This would save everybody a lot of time. Thanks. Related StoriesTwo More Attempted Water Escapes FailMan Blames Tiny Clowns for Firearms OffenseAuthor of “How to Murder Your Husband” Accused of Murdering Husband
Two More Attempted Water Escapes Fail
Only in the Swedish case I mentioned in August has one been even semi-successful. Related StoriesSeriously, Can We Get the Word Out Re: Water Escapes?Speedboat Escape Is Exception That Proves the RuleMan Blames Tiny Clowns for Firearms Offense
Court: No Tigers in Malibu
This case was decided in February, but that's no reason not to mention it now. Related StoriesLawmaker Agrees to Stop Administering Noogies to PublicBison-Taunter ArrestedVirginians! You Now Have an Extra 22 Hours to Kill Raccoons on Sunday
Man Blames Tiny Clowns for Firearms Offense
It is possible that alcohol also played a role. Related StoriesSeriously, Can We Get the Word Out Re: Water Escapes?Two More Attempted Water Escapes FailAuthor of “How to Murder Your Husband” Accused of Murdering Husband
Rejected Applicant Sues Law Schools for Violating Magna Carta
Among other things. Many other things. Related StoriesShortening the Massachusetts Oath of Office Probably Saved LivesCourt No Longer Recognizes JusticeThe Declaration of Independence
UPDATE: Judge Rules Province Has No Duty to Recognize Bigfoot
British Columbia, at least, is off the hook. Related Stories“Crickets.”Plaintiff: California Must Admit the Truth About BigfootAuthor of “How to Murder Your Husband” Accused of Murdering Husband
Author of “How to Murder Your Husband” Accused of Murdering Husband
The author's book entitled "The Wrong Husband" will also be considered ironic but inadmissible. Related StoriesLawyer Dispute Escalates From Picture of Cat Playing Violin to GunfireMan Blames Tiny Clowns for Firearms OffenseUPDATE: Judge Rules Province Has No Duty to Recognize Bigfoot
“Crickets.”
Judicial shorthand that you may see more often in the future, especially if Judge Kavanaugh is confirmed. Related StoriesUPDATE: Judge Rules Province Has No Duty to Recognize BigfootAuthor of “How to Murder Your Husband” Accused of Murdering HusbandMajority Rejects “Mullet Doctrine” in Fourth Amendment Case
Lawmaker Agrees to Stop Administering Noogies to Public
He also semi-apologized for what he conceded had been a long-standing practice. Related StoriesCampaign Funds Used for Rabbit Travel“Dumbest Insider Trading Crime I've Ever Seen” Was Pretty DumbPrepare to Eat It, Giuliani-Style
Indian Supreme Court Holds Wink Didn’t Violate Blasphemy Law
Strangely, the equally disturbing waggling of eyebrows was not addressed. Related StoriesCity Ordered Not to Sue Resident for Complaining About StenchMr. Trump's DemandsHeroic Legislator Defends Right to Public Swearing
Good Reason to Kill #72: Appeared to Be Cheating at Golf
Mayhem resulted. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #71: Argued About Who'd Play Aretha Franklin in the Aretha Franklin MovieGood Reason to Kill #70: May Have Stolen Your SocksGood Reason to Kill #69: Magic the Gathering
Motion to Continue Because of Moose Attack
Granted. Related StoriesJudge Denies Motion for Continuance Based on EclipseWhy the “Six Ways Buzzfeed” Brief Is Less Than AmazingGood News: The “Motion to Spread Death” Was Denied
Campaign Funds Used for Rabbit Travel
Apparently the rabbit was not actually an employee of the campaign. Related Stories“Dumbest Insider Trading Crime I've Ever Seen” Was Pretty DumbPrepare to Eat It, Giuliani-StyleKansas Bill Would Require Governor to Be an Adult Human
Province’s Lawyers Claim Bigfoot Case “Lacks an Air of Reality”
It's Canada, so they were pretty polite about it. Related StoriesPlaintiffs Allege They Were “Forced” to Buy Cheeseless CheeseburgersTurns Out the “Boy Who Came Back From Heaven” Was in Ohio the Whole TimeHallucinating Romanian Story: “I Am a Deceased Man but Still Live”
Assorted Stupidity #116
In this edition: witness misplaced, grandma tased, chest-bumps delivered, all drug-test boxes checked, and incomprehensible pleadings raged at. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #115Assorted Stupidity #114Assorted Stupidity #113
Good Reason to Kill #71: Argued About Who’d Play Aretha Franklin in the Aretha Franklin Movie
The answer is Jennifer Hudson, but if the guy with a gun says it's Halle Berry, just agree with him. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #70: May Have Stolen Your SocksGood Reason to Kill #69: Magic the GatheringGood Reason to Kill #68a: Disrespected by Yoda Fan
Canadian Rectal Smuggler Catches a Break on Appeal
Things came out slightly better than expected. Related StoriesSpeedboat Escape Is Exception That Proves the RuleWoman Accidentally Steals Car She Thought Was Her RentalLawyer Dispute Escalates From Picture of Cat Playing Violin to Gunfire
“Dumbest Insider Trading Crime I’ve Ever Seen” Was Pretty Dumb
As such crimes go, anyway. Related StoriesPrepare to Eat It, Giuliani-StyleMr. Trump's DemandsPriority: Crocodiles
Bison-Taunter Arrested
Please do not taunt the bison. Related StoriesVirginians! You Now Have an Extra 22 Hours to Kill Raccoons on Sunday“Justice for Simon”: Giant-Rabbit Case Survives Motion to DismissNinth Circuit: Monkeys Have Standing to Sue in Federal Court
Speedboat Escape Is Exception That Proves the Rule
Tjuvarna kan ha lämnat Strängnäs Domkyrka på vattenskoter. But I wouldn't try it if I were you. Related StoriesCanadian Rectal Smuggler Catches a Break on AppealWoman Accidentally Steals Car She Thought Was Her RentalLawyer Dispute Escalates From Picture of Cat Playing Violin to Gunfire
New Jersey May Declare an Official State Microbe
It would be the second state in the Union to have its very own. Related StoriesOfficial State Crap: GeorgiaCalifornia Adopts an Official DinosaurSnake-Mailing Rules Revisited
Defendants File Non-Opposition to Plaintiff’s Motion for Leave to File Surreply to Motion for Leave to File Surreply
If reading that hurt your head, imagine how the judge felt. Related StoriesYou Know Trial Went Poorly If the Judge Orders You Back to Law SchoolPrepare to Eat It, Giuliani-StyleDo They Teach Proofreading at Yale?
Virginians! You Now Have an Extra 22 Hours to Kill Raccoons on Sunday
You don't need to call it off at 2 a.m. anymore. Related Stories“Justice for Simon”: Giant-Rabbit Case Survives Motion to DismissNinth Circuit: Monkeys Have Standing to Sue in Federal CourtControl of Virginia House May Be Determined by Selection From Bowler Hat
Woman Accidentally Steals Car She Thought Was Her Rental
Drove it around for two weeks with nary a clue. Related StoriesLawyer Dispute Escalates From Picture of Cat Playing Violin to GunfireSuspect's Toilet Strike Ends After 47 Days—SuccessfullyNew Assault Charges for Rogue Canadian Golfer Who Tried to Escape on Ice Floe
Assorted Stupidity #115
In this edition: a Canadian snow-globe fight; mystery pooper identified in New Jersey; Dallas loses its 82nd case in a row against the same litigant; and the Uttarakhand High Court holds that loudspeakers can't be loud. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #114Assorted Stupidity #113Assorted Stupidity #112
Majority Rejects “Mullet Doctrine” in Fourth Amendment Case
Not to be confused with the Rule in Cyrus's Case. Related StoriesSupreme Court: Get a Warrant Before You Invade Somebody's CurtilageShrubbery Nice, Not Too Expensive, But Also Not Probable CauseAbout That Religious Test
Company Says Customer Breached Her Contract by Dying
And unfortunately this particular breach "is not capable of remedy," as the letter pointed out. Related StoriesTurns Out the “Boy Who Came Back From Heaven” Was in Ohio the Whole Time
Second Circuit: Lewd “Grinch” Parody Doesn’t Infringe
Not "lewd" in the sense you may be thinking. "Profane" is probably better. Related StoriesGrumpy Cat Wins $700,000 in Copyright SuitMonkey-Selfie Case SettlesLawyers Sit Motionless in Worst Music Video Ever
Barely Corrupt City Manager Doesn’t Resign
He allegedly sought to use his official position to obtain a free miniature Bundt cake, not realizing what a miniature scandal it would become. Related StoriesYou Know Trial Went Poorly If the Judge Orders You Back to Law SchoolCity Ordered Not to Sue Resident for Complaining About StenchFirst Amendment Exceptions That Might Allow Banning the Utah Legislature's Rap Video
Hilariously Corrupt EPA Director Resigns
Scott Pruitt joins Rod Blagojevich and only a few others in this exclusive category.
In re: Sssotlohiefmjn v. Michigan State Police
Correcting an apparently long-standing error by . . . someone. Related StoriesSome UpdatesSome AnnouncementsZamboni in the Drive-Thru: “Most Canadian Thing Ever”?
Brake v. Speed
Did this case involve a car accident? Of course it involved a car accident. Related StoriesDefendants: “We Never Had a Pet Squirrel”
You Know Trial Went Poorly If the Judge Orders You Back to Law School
Turns out the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure are not optional. Related StoriesKansas Bill Would Require Governor to Be an Adult HumanKansas Bill Would Require Governors to Be HumanBarely Corrupt City Manager Doesn't Resign
DEA Asks for Help Laundering Money
Well, not that kind of laundering. Probably. Related StoriesHallucinating Romanian Story: “I Am a Deceased Man but Still Live”“Naked American Hero” Loses Challenge to TSA FineLatest Airport-Security Exploit: Walking Through in a Group
Australian Cyborg’s Conviction Overturned on Appeal
In which an Australian "biohacker" beats the rap. Related StoriesFirst Amendment Exceptions That Might Allow Banning the Utah Legislature's Rap VideoTomato Sauce Allegedly Links Suspect to Meatball HeistSF Supervisors Briefly Delay Robot Uprising
Another Attempted Water Escape Fails
The article calls this a "watery elude," which it wasn't. Related StoriesGuy With Axe Embedded in Roof of Car Gets ProbationSpaghetti Arsonist in a Bull Onesie? I'm Guessing It's FloridaFleeing Suspect Apprehended by His Car
Assorted Stupidity #114
In this edition: how to lose a defamation case, updates on that 30-year-old evicted by his parents, one lawyer's unfair pummeling, and a truly low-effort (though surprisingly successful) crime. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #113Assorted Stupidity #112Assorted Stupidity #111
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