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Updated 2019-04-21 16:19
Third Man Beaten With Own Leg by Leg-Wielding Girlfriend
The third since I've been keeping records, at least. Related StoriesThey're Brawling Again in Taiwan's Parliament
Plaintiff Alleges Boss Insisted He Get an Exorcism
She also wanted him to fill out a questionnaire that's probably worse than the ritual would have been. Related StoriesCanada to Legalize WitchcraftProvince's Lawyers Claim Bigfoot Case “Lacks an Air of Reality”Turns Out the “Boy Who Came Back From Heaven” Was in Ohio the Whole Time
UPDATE: Judge Who Accidentally Resigned Is Out of a Job
In a surprising development, the commissioners decided to do something. Related StoriesJudge's Supporters Say the Texas Constitution SucksVoters Expel Mayor and Re-Elect Him on the Same BallotProposed Law Would Prevent Climate Change in Montana
Judge’s Supporters Say the Texas Constitution Sucks
It does, but that isn't a great answer to the question. Related StoriesUPDATE: Judge Who Accidentally Resigned Is Out of a JobJudge Accidentally ResignsThomas Talks Thrice
Zimbabwe’s Buyin’ Judge Wigs
And some people aren't happy about it. Related StoriesJudge Accidentally ResignsJudge Criticized for Reading 138-Page Opinion From the BenchLawyer “Devastated” by Theft of Office Frog
Judge Accidentally Resigns
That was a simple mistake, but the legal ramifications are ... weird. Related StoriesJudge's Supporters Say the Texas Constitution SucksZimbabwe's Buyin' Judge WigsThomas Talks Thrice
Assorted Stupidity #122
In this edition: an update on JetSki Guy, a dopey lawsuit by Devin Nunes, bad human beings fight over who's the worst, the middle finger as free speech, and an allegedly unprofessional investigative technique. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #121Assorted Stupidity #120Assorted Stupidity #119
Attempt to Flee Australia on a Jet Ski Fails (90 Miles Later)
Impressive, but still unsuccessful. Related StoriesStolen Swedish Crown Jewels Turn Up During Suspect's TrialSadly, I Must Report That There Was in Fact No “Canoe Chase”Beware: Botox Bandits Burgle Beautiful Brows
Will Utah Legalize Fornication?
Probably. [Update: yes.] Related StoriesFirst Amendment Exceptions That Might Allow Banning the Utah Legislature's Rap VideoStop That Dancing Immediately! Unlicensed Cabarets Are Still Illegal in New York
Thomas Talks Thrice
They are his first questions from the bench since 2016. Related StoriesJudge Accidentally ResignsMy Fellow Americans, the State of the Union Is StupidCourt: No, It Wasn't “Reasonable” to Lock Grandma Up With Male Inmates
Fall Out Boy Sued for Misusing Llama Puppets
A copyright dispute over a pair of "llama-like monsters" seems worth mentioning. Related StoriesWarner Bros. Says Rat Must Remain in “The Departed”Second Circuit: Lewd “Grinch” Parody Doesn't InfringeGrumpy Cat Wins $700,000 in Copyright Suit
Updates!
That thing where we look back on stuff that seemed really stupid the first time we discussed it, check to see what happened, and then realize it was just as stupid as we thought. Related StoriesUpdates!In re: Sssotlohiefmjn v. Michigan State PoliceSome Updates
Voters Expel Mayor and Re-Elect Him on the Same Ballot
The people have spoken! And they clearly said ... something? Related StoriesProposed Law Would Prevent Climate Change in MontanaTrump Campaign Not Liable for Hiring Roscoe the PistolAssorted Election Stupidity
ALERT: Please Do Not Drink “Catnip Cocktail”
Even if you are a cat. Related StoriesCanadians Puzzled by Warning That Snow Globes May Cause Cancer
“Succubustic”: Is It a Word You Should Use to Describe a Judge?
Yet again I explain in great detail something that is really pretty obvious. Related StoriesMehCourt: No, It Wasn't “Reasonable” to Lock Grandma Up With Male InmatesMan Accused of Nude Swim With Sharks Also Wanted for Assault at Medieval Times
Warner Bros. Says Rat Must Remain in “The Departed”
The one at the very end, that is. Related StoriesSecond Circuit: Lewd “Grinch” Parody Doesn't InfringeGrumpy Cat Wins $700,000 in Copyright SuitMonkey-Selfie Case Settles
Assorted Stupidity #121
In this edition: witness testing, sandwich stealing, lawyer punching, golf-course misusing, pants exchanging, and a couple of updates. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #120Assorted Stupidity #119Assorted Stupidity #118
Proposed Law Would Prevent Climate Change in Montana
Or if not, perhaps a wall around the state would keep those greenhouse gases (if any) out of its atmosphere. Related StoriesNew Jersey May Declare an Official State MicrobeBarely Corrupt City Manager Doesn't ResignYou Know Trial Went Poorly If the Judge Orders You Back to Law School
Meh
Or: On the Subject of Proofreading Related Stories“Succubustic”: Is It a Word You Should Use to Describe a Judge?Do They Teach Proofreading at Yale?Amicus Brief Cites Ferris Bueller to Great Effect
A Form You Hopefully Won’t Need: Notice of Apology to Judge
Representing Roger Stone must be a real joy. Related StoriesThe Story of Eric the (Weed) EntrepreneurMy Fellow Americans, the State of the Union Is StupidGood Reason to Kill #73: Took Your Seat During Karaoke
Assorted Stupidity #120
In this edition: a federal judge says she can't fix the NFC championship game; Captain Kirk denies paternity; a sheriff wonders why police would do their jobs if they can't steal money from suspects; and more. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #121Assorted Stupidity #119Assorted Stupidity #118
Stolen Swedish Crown Jewels Turn Up During Suspect’s Trial
Not what you normally expect to find when dumpster diving (I'm told). Related StoriesSadly, I Must Report That There Was in Fact No “Canoe Chase”Beware: Botox Bandits Burgle Beautiful BrowsThief Dangles From Fence
Sheriff Says Use of Camera to Zoom in on Defense Attorney’s Notes Was “Inadvertent”
The explanation left something to be desired. Related StoriesYou Know Trial Went Poorly If the Judge Orders You Back to Law SchoolThe Montreal Screaming Ticket (or, Everybody Dance Now)Grand Jury Indicts Officers in Student-Groping Case
Sadly, I Must Report That There Was in Fact No “Canoe Chase”
Probably not even much of a negotiation to speak of. Related StoriesStolen Swedish Crown Jewels Turn Up During Suspect's TrialBeware: Botox Bandits Burgle Beautiful BrowsThief Dangles From Fence
Bill Would Make Sasquatch Washington’s Official State Cryptid
It would become the first state to adopt an official cryptid, to the best of my knowledge. Related StoriesCanada to Legalize WitchcraftUPDATE: Judge Rules Province Has No Duty to Recognize BigfootPlaintiff: California Must Admit the Truth About Bigfoot
Beware: Botox Bandits Burgle Beautiful Brows
I would like to apologize for the headline, which I seemed to be powerless to prevent. Related StoriesSadly, I Must Report That There Was in Fact No “Canoe Chase”Thief Dangles From Fence“Inchworm Bandits” Are Either Idiots or Comedy Geniuses
Update: The Paddlefish Defendants Are Now for Sale
A post that contains the phrase, "reasonable fishmonger." Twice, in fact. Related StoriesUnited States v. 1855.6 Pounds of American Paddlefish MeatCourt: No Tigers in MalibuBison-Taunter Arrested
Good Reason to Kill #75: Thought Wife Damaged Action Figures
It appears that no one (human or otherwise) was actually harmed in this incident. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #74: Guy Pissed You Off in AntarcticaGood Reason to Kill #73: Took Your Seat During KaraokeGood Reason to Kill #72: Appeared to Be Cheating at Golf
My Fellow Americans, the State of the Union Is Stupid
Just ask Thomas Jefferson. Related StoriesMy Fellow Americans, the State of the Union Is StupidCourt: No, It Wasn't “Reasonable” to Lock Grandma Up With Male InmatesUPDATE: Judge Rules Province Has No Duty to Recognize Bigfoot
“My Turn to Drive,” the Passenger Said. But It Wasn’t
If you want this option, you should negotiate it with the driver beforehand. Related StoriesLooks Like There's No Ten-Code for “Officer on Hood of Moving Car”Wrong “Peter Brown” Brought in for Murder Sentencing AgainAssorted Election Stupidity
Man Locked in Burger King Bathroom for an Hour Wants Free Whoppers for Life
Before you judge, know that the restroom was allegedly "dank." Related StoriesPlaintiff Blames Fall on Free Drinks He May or May Not Have ConsumedBrake v. SpeedDefendants: “We Never Had a Pet Squirrel”
Saudi Women Now Entitled to Text Message Notifying Them of Divorce
Standard text message and data charges may apply. Related StoriesThirty-Year-Old Man Evicted From Parents' HomeSaudi Government Says It Will Let Women DrivePowerball Problems
Trump Campaign Not Liable for Hiring Roscoe the Pistol
Or the man who wielded him, says the North Carolina Court of Appeals. Related StoriesAssorted Election StupidityCampaign Funds Used for Rabbit TravelKansas Bill Would Require Governor to Be an Adult Human
Testimony of Elmo Monster, Sesame Street Muppet
Elmo loves Congress! Or at least he did in 2002. Related StoriesSing, O Muse, of the Paul D. Ryan Bipartisan Arrow-Shaft Taxation Relief Act of 2003“Dumbest Insider Trading Crime I've Ever Seen” Was Pretty DumbSouth Carolina Bill Would Require All Citizens to Wear Mom Jeans
Thief Dangles From Fence
Here's the kind of post you get when I'm late for a connecting flight. Good image, though. Related Stories“Inchworm Bandits” Are Either Idiots or Comedy Geniuses“Worst Robbers in Belgium” Agree to Come Back at Closing TimeAnother Attempted Water Escape Fails
Happy Holidays! (Now Get Out of My Courtroom)
Jingle all the way. Related StoriesDefendants File Non-Opposition to Plaintiff's Motion for Leave to File Surreply to Motion for Leave to File SurreplyHuang v. HollywoodBanks Sued Over “Craptacular” Loan Practices
Sing, O Muse, of the Paul D. Ryan Bipartisan Arrow-Shaft Taxation Relief Act of 2003
A farewell to Paul Ryan, and also a brief glimpse of how our government works, when it does. Related StoriesTestimony of Elmo Monster, Sesame Street MuppetSouth Carolina Bill Would Require All Citizens to Wear Mom JeansThey're Brawling Again in Taiwan's Parliament
Assorted Stupidity #119
In this episode: Michael Flynn decides to cooperate a little more; the Trump Foundation is shutting down; a deer poacher is sentenced to repeated viewings of Bambi; and so on. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #118Assorted Stupidity #117Assorted Stupidity #116
“Quirky” Lawyer Acquitted of Stalking; Concedes He Did “Meow Randomly on Occasion”
The extent of the meowing remains unclear.
Looks Like There’s No Ten-Code for “Officer on Hood of Moving Car”
It seems to happen more often than they anticipated. Related StoriesWrong “Peter Brown” Brought in for Murder Sentencing AgainAssorted Election StupidityMan Accused of Nude Swim With Sharks Also Wanted for Assault at Medieval Times
Court: No, It Wasn’t “Reasonable” to Lock Grandma Up With Male Inmates
Pretty obviously "at the very core of what the Eighth Amendment prohibits," in fact. Related StoriesMan Accused of Nude Swim With Sharks Also Wanted for Assault at Medieval TimesPlaintiff Blames Fall on Free Drinks He May or May Not Have ConsumedSeriously, Can We Get the Word Out Re: Water Escapes?
Wrong “Peter Brown” Brought in for Murder Sentencing Again
This is why you use all three names when referring to criminal defendants. Related StoriesLooks Like There's No Ten-Code for “Officer on Hood of Moving Car”Assorted Election StupidityMan Accused of Nude Swim With Sharks Also Wanted for Assault at Medieval Times
Scottish Grandpa Claims He Checked “Terrorist” Box on Visa Form by Mistake
Gotcha, "grandpa." Related Stories“Naked American Hero” Loses Challenge to TSA FineDEA Asks for Help Laundering MoneyLatest Airport-Security Exploit: Walking Through in a Group
“Inchworm Bandits” Are Either Idiots or Comedy Geniuses
It's a fine line sometimes. Rarely, but sometimes. Related Stories“Worst Robbers in Belgium” Agree to Come Back at Closing TimeAnother Attempted Water Escape FailsGuy With Axe Embedded in Roof of Car Gets Probation
Assorted Stupidity #118
In this edition: a bad response to bad reviews, a schism in Scouting, problems with permits, prioritizing police reports, and Julian Assange's cat. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #117Assorted Stupidity #116Assorted Stupidity #115
Lawmaker Injured by Flying Constitution
If reading it to the other guy won't help, you could try throwing it. Related StoriesClown Says He Will Seek a Third TermLawmaker Agrees to Stop Administering Noogies to PublicCampaign Funds Used for Rabbit Travel
United States v. 1855.6 Pounds of American Paddlefish Meat
The defendant will be tried along with alleged co-conspirator 982.34 Pounds of American Paddlefish Caviar. Related StoriesCourt: No Tigers in MalibuBison-Taunter ArrestedVirginians! You Now Have an Extra 22 Hours to Kill Raccoons on Sunday
Australian’s 19-Year Squat Is Successful
Still, you should think twice before trying to adversely possess someone else's house. Related StoriesPlay-Doh Smell TrademarkedLandlord Who Banned “Coloured” Tenants Claims It Was About the Curry SmellLawsuit Claims “Farley”-Brand “Fat Bikes” Infringe on Chris Farley
Assorted Election Stupidity
As if it wasn't ridiculous enough to begin with. Related StoriesMan Accused of Nude Swim With Sharks Also Wanted for Assault at Medieval TimesSeriously, Can We Get the Word Out Re: Water Escapes?Two More Attempted Water Escapes Fail
Good Reason to Kill #74: Guy Pissed You Off in Antarctica
The specific reason for the assault is not entirely clear, but it's getting on the list because Antarctica. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #73: Took Your Seat During KaraokeIndian Supreme Court Holds Wink Didn't Violate Blasphemy LawGood Reason to Kill #72: Appeared to Be Cheating at Golf
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