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Updated 2024-03-29 04:17
Plaintiff: “Dressing Me Up as a Leprechaun Is Wrong”
You know what else is wrong? Saying "step foot in," as this post will also explain. Related StoriesPlaintiff Alleges Boss Insisted He Get an ExorcismArchbishop Criticized for Mass Firing of BellringersAssorted Stupidity #92
“Excuseman” Gets Three Years for Stealing From Clients
Slower than a speeding bullet, and less powerful than the bar association. Related StoriesLawyer Who Insisted He Be Disbarred Probably Will BeIs It Unethical to Throw a Raccoon Overboard?Defendants File Non-Opposition to Plaintiff's Motion for Leave to File Surreply to Motion for Leave to File Surreply
Californians Can No Longer Be Forced to Join a Posse
You can still join voluntarily. Related StoriesWill Utah Legalize Fornication?Bill Would Make Sasquatch Washington's Official State CryptidCanada to Legalize Witchcraft
UPDATE: Shrout’s on the Run
Another good reason not to give him any money. Related StoriesCourt Affirms Conviction for Making “Hand Gesture in the Form of a Gun”Alleged Spanish Hit-Man Contract and Resumé Translated“Natural Causes” Determination Called Into Question by Stab Wounds, Blood Everywhere
Questions to Ask Before Trying to Get a Ton of Drugs Into Australia by Sea
There are probably others you could add to the list, but here are 12 important ones. Related StoriesAttempt to Flee Australia on a Jet Ski Fails (90 Miles Later)Dialogue in a Car on Route 107 in Nassau County, New YorkCourt Rules Income Tax Is Not Against the Will of God
Adios Mugabe
This website, at least, will miss him. Related StoriesMugabe Spokesman: “The President Was Simply Resting His Eyes”New Zealand Lawmaker Accused of Making “Barnyard Noise”Zimbabwe's Buyin' Judge Wigs
Court Affirms Conviction for Making “Hand Gesture in the Form of a Gun”
No one was harmed during the pointing spree, which lasted only a few seconds. Related StoriesUPDATE: Shrout's on the RunAlleged Spanish Hit-Man Contract and Resumé TranslatedALERT: TSA Is Keeping Your Loose Change
Dialogue in a Car on Route 107 in Nassau County, New York
PERSONS OF THE DIALOGUE: Timaeus, a driver; Socrates, a passenger; Lysimachus and Callicles, who do not speak. Related StoriesQuestions to Ask Before Trying to Get a Ton of Drugs Into Australia by SeaAgain I Must Remind You That Dealing With a Hit Man Is Fraught With PerilSuspect Located
First Alleged Space Crime Is Surprisingly Dull
Not a single alien or sentient computer involved (as far as we know). Related StoriesIs It Unethical to Throw a Raccoon Overboard?Hallucinating Romanian Story: “I Am a Deceased Man but Still Live”“Pretty Sure Stank Is Patented,” Lawyer Claims—But It's Complicated
Please Use Caution When Consulting This Map on Kangaroo-Ownership Laws
It is likely not 100% accurate. Related StoriesUpdate: The Paddlefish Defendants Are Now for SaleUnited States v. 1855.6 Pounds of American Paddlefish MeatCourt: No Tigers in Malibu
Plaintiff: I Was Attacked by Wayne Newton’s Monkey
"Without any provocation," allegedly, which seems unlikely but must be taken as true for now. Related StoriesCourt Finds Man Not Liable for Strapping Pork Chops to His FeetMan Locked in Burger King Bathroom for an Hour Wants Free Whoppers for LifeBrake v. Speed
No Reasonable Expectation of Privacy While Burgling
Or trespassing, but "burgling" is funnier. Related StoriesSuspect LocatedMontana Decides Against Official Rock Song; Objects to Being Sold to CanadaJudge's Supporters Say the Texas Constitution Sucks
Assorted Stupidity #126
In this edition: dysfunctional demand notes; good punctuation (but bad behavior); the great-great-grandson of Kaiser Wilhelm II; a Bigfoot sighting in Kentucky; and why you shouldn't throw a refrigerator off a cliff in Spain. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #125Assorted Stupidity #124Assorted Stupidity #123
Good Reason to Kill #76a: Mystery Clown (or, Clown Mystery)
Reports of clown involvement may have been exaggerated. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #76: Fancy Dress (Clown)Good Reason to Kill #75: Thought Wife Damaged Action FiguresGood Reason to Kill #74: Guy Pissed You Off in Antarctica
Good Reason to Kill #76: Fancy Dress (Clown)
Clown sparks "mass brawl" on cruise ship ... but is there more to the story? Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #76a: Mystery Clown (or, Clown Mystery)Good Reason to Kill #75: Thought Wife Damaged Action FiguresGood Reason to Kill #74: Guy Pissed You Off in Antarctica
Alleged Spanish Hit-Man Contract and Resumé Translated
Need a hit man who's also trained in the "millennial arts" AND speaks Hawaiian? I have good news and bad news. Related StoriesBuilders of Giant Ark Sue Over Rain Damage“My Turn to Drive,” the Passenger Said. But It Wasn'tLooks Like There's No Ten-Code for “Officer on Hood of Moving Car”
“Natural Causes” Determination Called Into Question by Stab Wounds, Blood Everywhere
Look, I'm not saying a medical examiner's job is easy. But still. Related StoriesOfficer Claimed He Shot Philando Castile Because of Secondhand SmokeSheriff Says Use of Camera to Zoom in on Defense Attorney's Notes Was “Inadvertent”The Montreal Screaming Ticket (or, Everybody Dance Now)
Court Rules Income Tax Is Not Against the Will of God
I would appeal this one all the way to the top. Related StoriesCourt Finds Man Not Liable for Strapping Pork Chops to His FeetAttempt to Flee Australia on a Jet Ski Fails (90 Miles Later)Wrong “Peter Brown” Brought in for Murder Sentencing Again
Judge Who Meowed and, on One Occasion, Roared, Gets Three-Year Suspension
I should clarify that he did not actually roar, he just shouted the word "roar," which is weird in a different way. Related StoriesZimbabwe's Buyin' Judge WigsJudge Accidentally ResignsJudge Criticized for Reading 138-Page Opinion From the Bench
Again I Must Remind You That Dealing With a Hit Man Is Fraught With Peril
There's more than one important lesson here, actually. Related StoriesSuspect LocatedAttempt to Flee Australia on a Jet Ski Fails (90 Miles Later)“Succubustic”: Is It a Word You Should Use to Describe a Judge?
There’s at Least One Frustrated Game of Thrones Fan on the Ninth Circuit
Probably more than one.
Assorted Stupidity #125
In this edition (among other things): elks, knights, serial toilet cloggers, Oregon and Florida legislators, the TSA, and beavers. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #124Assorted Stupidity #123Assorted Stupidity #122
“I Think of Time as a Continuum,” and Other Bad Deposition Answers
Could we have the question read back, please? Related StoriesHappy Holidays! (Now Get Out of My Courtroom)Defendants File Non-Opposition to Plaintiff's Motion for Leave to File Surreply to Motion for Leave to File SurreplyBanks Sued Over “Craptacular” Loan Practices
Lawyer Says He’s the Only One in Sudan Allowed to Use the Internet
He said he was going back to court today on behalf of everybody else. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #74: Guy Pissed You Off in AntarcticaIndian Supreme Court Holds Wink Didn't Violate Blasphemy LawAustralian Cyborg's Conviction Overturned on Appeal
DUI Laws: Do They Apply If You’re Driving a Tank?
This assumes you weren't in combat, just taking your T-55 out for a spin. Related StoriesExpert Attributes Sudden Surge in DSUWI Cases to CoincidenceAlleged Lamppost Thief Has Trouble With Getaway
Auction Winner Learns Why Property Was Such a Great Deal: It’s Only 12 Inches Wide
What's that they say about deals too good to be true? Related StoriesAustralian's 19-Year Squat Is SuccessfulPlay-Doh Smell TrademarkedLandlord Who Banned “Coloured” Tenants Claims It Was About the Curry Smell
Court Finds Man Not Liable for Strapping Pork Chops to His Feet
A slip-and-fall case, but not the one you'd expect. Related StoriesAttempt to Flee Australia on a Jet Ski Fails (90 Miles Later)Man Locked in Burger King Bathroom for an Hour Wants Free Whoppers for LifeWrong “Peter Brown” Brought in for Murder Sentencing Again
Suspect Located
"Hey bro," the suspect reportedly said upon being discovered. Related StoriesMontana Decides Against Official Rock Song; Objects to Being Sold to CanadaJudge's Supporters Say the Texas Constitution SucksJudge Accidentally Resigns
Official State Crap Update: D.C.’s Gettin’ an Official Bat
It's not actually a state, but we've already talked about that. Related StoriesMontana Decides Against Official Rock Song; Objects to Being Sold to CanadaBill Would Make Sasquatch Washington's Official State CryptidNew Jersey May Declare an Official State Microbe
Builders of Giant Ark Sue Over Rain Damage
Because I've received a ... flood of emails on this one. Related StoriesTurns Out the “Boy Who Came Back From Heaven” Was in Ohio the Whole TimePlaintiff Alleges Boss Insisted He Get an ExorcismCanada to Legalize Witchcraft
Guess Who Just Sued the Maker of “Ion Maiden”
Hint: it's a group whose music has been featured in at least one "Angry Birds" game. Related StoriesGuess Who Just Sued the Maker of “Guns 'N' Rosé”One Is a Beaver, the Other Is an Alligator“Pretty Sure Stank Is Patented,” Lawyer Claims—But It's Complicated
Texas Legislature Accidentally Repeals Plumbing Code
Did it really need one? Guess it's about to find out. Related StoriesMontana Decides Against Official Rock Song; Objects to Being Sold to CanadaUPDATE: Judge Who Accidentally Resigned Is Out of a JobJudge Accidentally Resigns
Is It Unethical to Throw a Raccoon Overboard?
I don't think so. Related StoriesIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?TIP: Lawyer Who Sleeps for “Substantial Portion” of Trial Is IneffectiveCourt: No, It Wasn't “Reasonable” to Lock Grandma Up With Male Inmates
ALERT: TSA Is Keeping Your Loose Change
It can't detect guns or bombs very well, but it somehow manages to keep a lot of coins from boarding their intended flight. Related StoriesScottish Grandpa Claims He Checked “Terrorist” Box on Visa Form by MistakeAssorted Stupidity #117DEA Asks for Help Laundering Money
Montana Decides Against Official Rock Song; Objects to Being Sold to Canada
There's a lot going on up there. Related StoriesUPDATE: Judge Who Accidentally Resigned Is Out of a JobJudge's Supporters Say the Texas Constitution SucksJudge Accidentally Resigns
Assorted Stupidity #124
In this edition: Louisiana is still stuck with only two official songs; the TSA still exists; China and Australia are mentioned; and crooks chase each other in Florida. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #123Assorted Stupidity #122Assorted Stupidity #121
Guess Who Just Sued the Maker of “Guns ‘N’ Rosé”
Hint: it is a general partnership organized under California law with its principal place of business in Los Angeles. Related StoriesFall Out Boy Sued for Misusing Llama PuppetsOne Is a Beaver, the Other Is an AlligatorThe Montreal Screaming Ticket (or, Everybody Dance Now)
Expert Attributes Sudden Surge in DSUWI Cases to Coincidence
He proves his point by the end of this very post, in fact. Related StoriesAlleged Lamppost Thief Has Trouble With Getaway
New Zealand Lawmaker Accused of Making “Barnyard Noise”
Which would be an improvement over most of what comes out of the U.S. Congress, frankly. Related StoriesLawmaker Injured by Flying ConstitutionClown Says He Will Seek a Third TermLawmaker Agrees to Stop Administering Noogies to Public
Judge Dismisses Incomprehensible, Pointless Pile of Papers
Not a generic headline. Related StoriesRejected Applicant Sues Law Schools for Violating Magna CartaLandlord Who Banned “Coloured” Tenants Claims It Was About the Curry SmellKing of Australia Says He's Testing Its Court System
How to Avoid Jury Duty, #12: Be the Judge in That Case
This won't work very often, but it'll work.
Assorted Stupidity #123
In this edition: Ukraine gets its own TV president; grease thieves plague America; so do "product influencers"; an army of turtles threatens Florida; and how not to destroy evidence. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #122Assorted Stupidity #121Assorted Stupidity #120
Third Man Beaten With Own Leg by Leg-Wielding Girlfriend
The third since I've been keeping records, at least. Related StoriesThey're Brawling Again in Taiwan's Parliament
Plaintiff Alleges Boss Insisted He Get an Exorcism
She also wanted him to fill out a questionnaire that's probably worse than the ritual would have been. Related StoriesCanada to Legalize WitchcraftProvince's Lawyers Claim Bigfoot Case “Lacks an Air of Reality”Turns Out the “Boy Who Came Back From Heaven” Was in Ohio the Whole Time
UPDATE: Judge Who Accidentally Resigned Is Out of a Job
In a surprising development, the commissioners decided to do something. Related StoriesJudge's Supporters Say the Texas Constitution SucksVoters Expel Mayor and Re-Elect Him on the Same BallotProposed Law Would Prevent Climate Change in Montana
Judge’s Supporters Say the Texas Constitution Sucks
It does, but that isn't a great answer to the question. Related StoriesUPDATE: Judge Who Accidentally Resigned Is Out of a JobJudge Accidentally ResignsThomas Talks Thrice
Zimbabwe’s Buyin’ Judge Wigs
And some people aren't happy about it. Related StoriesJudge Accidentally ResignsJudge Criticized for Reading 138-Page Opinion From the BenchLawyer “Devastated” by Theft of Office Frog
Judge Accidentally Resigns
That was a simple mistake, but the legal ramifications are ... weird. Related StoriesJudge's Supporters Say the Texas Constitution SucksZimbabwe's Buyin' Judge WigsThomas Talks Thrice
Assorted Stupidity #122
In this edition: an update on JetSki Guy, a dopey lawsuit by Devin Nunes, bad human beings fight over who's the worst, the middle finger as free speech, and an allegedly unprofessional investigative technique. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #121Assorted Stupidity #120Assorted Stupidity #119
Attempt to Flee Australia on a Jet Ski Fails (90 Miles Later)
Impressive, but still unsuccessful. Related StoriesStolen Swedish Crown Jewels Turn Up During Suspect's TrialSadly, I Must Report That There Was in Fact No “Canoe Chase”Beware: Botox Bandits Burgle Beautiful Brows
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