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In a heartwarming tale of a college freshman doing something right, Central Michigan women’s soccer player Natalie Belsito saved a drowning critter on campus. She credited the successful rescue to an episode of The Office.Read more...

Tony Finau, ranked No. 34 in the world, showed out at the Masters Par-3 contest with a very slick hole-in-one, which he immediately followed up by suffering some sort of gross-looking ankle injury while celebrating.Read more...

Broncos linebacker Von Miller is reportedly under investigation by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission after his boating trip last week off the coast of Miami resulted in a photo of Miller holding a bloody hammerhead shark. Harvesting hammerheads in Florida waters is a misdemeanor, but Miller says…Read more...

Overwatch’s Mercy is a “support” hero, which in layman’s terms means she’s mopping up trails of blood left behind after Overwatch battles. Mercy’s job is to heal her weak teammates, assisting them as they lay waste to enemies. It’s an apparently subservient job often painted as easy, and therefore, undervalued—that…Read more...

Pad the floor of your home gym, workshop, or kids’ playroom with these foam tiles. They’re lightweight, water-resistant, and easy to clean up. A 6-pack of 2' x 2' gray tiles is just $20 today, which is about $4 less than the typical price.Read more...

Today’s Phillies-Mets game broadcast only on Facebook was fittingly delayed nearly two hours due to rain, so announcer Scott Braun asked color commentator Cliff Floyd what he did to pass the time during rain delays. Floyd said he’d text with friends, watch whatever other game was on, and try to stay calm. Then Braun…Read more...

Manchester City had a crazy bus ride into Anfield today ahead of their Champions League match against Liverpool, as the soon-to-be English champions were greeted by passionate home supporters who happened also to be armed with projectiles and flares. Alternately, if you don’t know the context, the images suggest a…Read more...

The card for Sunday night’s WrestleMania 34, which will air live on WWE Network from the Mercedes-Benz Superdome in New Orleans, is the best in recent memory. The event promises to be both long and dense, with 13 matches announced (14 are expected) across a seven-hour time slot, with two of those hours given over to a…Read more...

Hello. It’s me, a guy who made a “sound financial decision” and purchased a home. I may no longer be “throwing money away” on rent, but here’s the thing people always forget to tell you about owning a house: it presents you with an infinite supply of things to throw money away on. I’m here to help you, my fellow…Read more...

Oklahoma City dropped a close one against the Warriors last night despite 44 points from Russell Westbrook. The loss dropped them to sixth in the cutthroat Western Conference, a half game behind Salt Lake City and San Antonio. They’re now 1-4 over their last five games, all of which came against fellow Western…Read more...

The Toronto Raptors, the first-place team in the Eastern Conference, lost last night, to the third-place Cleveland Cavaliers. They lost to the badly depleted second-place Boston Celtics three nights prior. They’ve lost five of their last eight games, the worst stretch in what’s so far been the best season in the…Read more...

I am a dad at all times but Spring Break is when I am, without fail, at my MOST dad. It combines all the prime elements of flustered dadding: travel, overpriced food, renting things, lines, dealing with people behind counters, frantic searches for alcohol, and such and such. It’s not so much a vacation as it is a…Read more...

The Baltimore Ravens announced today that they have agreed to a one-year deal with a quarterback who is not Colin Kaepernick.Read more...

Johnny Manziel’s odd redemption tour continued today when he appeared on The Dan Patrick Show. During the segment he was asked what he would go back and change about his rookie season if he had the chance, and his response was further proof that absolutely no one is incapable of clowning the Browns:

Lacrosse was played by Native American nations across North America long before it was colonized by Europeans. But despite Native people’s historical and cultural connection to the game, they were periodically banned from playing before the 1973 American Indian Religious Freedom Act restored Native peoples’ right to…Read more...

Among the many reasons you’d be galactically screwed if you lined up on the perimeter to defend an NBA player, speed is the scariest. Before you stand some of the tallest, longest, twitchiest, most volatile athletes in the world, with good options available at every juncture: stop dead and pop a jumper over you, put…Read more...

The Sixers do not have Joel Embiid for the foreseeable future. He’s out after surgery for a fractured orbital bone. So far, that has not mattered.Read more...

Upgrade to a 5K LG monitor, gear up with a Bosch tool combo kit, finally file your taxes, and find the rest of today’s best deals.Read more...

Over the weekend, Andre Agassi, who joined forces with 12-time grand slam winner Novak Djokovic last May in order to help the Serb get out of a deep slump, announced the two had parted ways.Read more...

In a game loaded with playoff and seeding implications, Predators-Panthers had an ending that should terrify everyone that a rough goaltender interference call could fuck over any team at any time. Isn’t hockey great?!Read more...

If you haven’t replaced your metal spring mattress with a giant block of foam that you bought on the internet, what are you even doing with your life? Amazon’s currently marking Sweetnight 10' gel memory foam mattresses to under $430. Featuring a dual-sided system (one side is a pillow top, the other is firm), a queen…Read more...

The Mavericks are currently treading toilet water, with no real motivation to win, but tonight featured a few cool things: a victory over the Trail Blazers, and, more importantly, this nifty Dennis Smith Jr. dunk, assisted by none other than Dennis Smith Jr. himself.

Club América coach Miguel Herrera claimed that Toronto police assaulted his players—goalkeeper Agustín Marchesín and defender Bruno Valdez, along with assistant coach Giber Becerra—during halftime of the team’s 3-1 CONCACAF Champions League semifinal loss to Toronto FC tonight. Toronto coach Greg Vanney disputed his…Read more...

In his first at-bat since earning a win in his first major-league start two days ago, two-way rookie phenom Shohei Ohtani smacked one back to center field for his first major-league home run:Read more...

Would you like to see the empty eyes of a man who’s almost positive that he’s just fucked up, with nothing left for him to do about it? From the second inning of tonight’s Red Sox-Marlins game, here’s Chris Sale after leaving one right over the plate for Justin Bour:

Reigning National League MVP Giancarlo Stanton is already a persona non grata in the Bronx as Yankees fans reacted to the slugger’s five-strikeout day against the Rays with a chorus of boos.Read more...

Nobody will say for certain what Max Holloway weighed when he agreed to fight Khabib Nurmagomedov at UFC 223, but he has until Friday afternoon to get down to 155 pounds if he wants a shot at the UFC lightweight title. That’s 10 pounds heavier than his typical fighting weight, though he’s a big featherweight and it…Read more...

The NBA announced today that they’ve suspended Mavericks forward Nerlens Noel for five games, reportedly following a third positive test for marijuana, a drug that is legal or decriminalized in much of the country. That alone is not a big deal, but Noel’s suspension—which will see him out for the conclusion of the…Read more...

The New England Patriots spent a first- and third-round pick to get Brandin Cooks from the Saints last offseason, and now they’ve dealt the receiver (along with a fourth-round pick) to the Rams in exchange for a first- and sixth-rounder. That was fast!Read more...

Here are the facts: Sri Lanka recently became one of the latest countries to launch a show in Simon Cowell’s Got Talent! series, which is aptly called Sri Lanka’s Got Talent!; Sudarshana Deshappriya is someone who has Got Talent, martial arts talent to be specific; Deshappriya ran into some painful-looking trouble…Read more...

Chris Cillizza’s job isn’t as easy as it seems, although it also isn’t nearly difficult enough to justify the salary he receives for doing it. What that job is even supposed to be is kind of a moving target, to be honest, but much of what Cillizza does in his current position as a political reporter and…Read more...

The judge in the Bill Cosby criminal case ruled today that jurors can hear about the settlement the comedian paid the woman who told police that he drugged and assaulted her. Judge Steven O’Neill also ruled that jurors can hear testimony from a woman, Marguerite “Margo” Jackson; she is expected to say that Andrea…Read more...

The St. Louis Cardinals’ Tommy Pham, who recently turned 30, had his breakout season in 2017 when he hit 23 homers, stole 25 bases, achieved a .411 on-base percentage. And yet, he began the year by being optioned to Triple A. Pham hasn’t forgotten.Read more...

At Overwatch League team New York Excelsior’s first-ever New York fan meet-and-greet, a preteen girl in braces broke out sobbing after coming face-to-face with player Joong-hwa “Janus” Song, a sub. Janus doesn’t play much. When he’s called in, he almost exclusively plays the ape hero Winston, and only on specific…Read more...

In his long and illustrious career, Cristiano Ronaldo has won a billion trophies and scored a zillion goals. Today, just now, at the ripe old age of 33, he has scored one of his most sensational, athletic, instantly iconic goals in Real Madrid’s Champions League match against Juventus:

After a positive drug test for a performance-enhancing substance, Canelo Álvarez has officially withdrawn from his May 5 rematch with unified middleweight champion Gennady Golovkin, whom he fought to a controversial draw last September.

This golf ball’s trajectory will make your emotions soar, only to very quickly leave them afloat in mid-air, wondering where and how to land.Read more...

Last February, the families of Eduardo Rivero and Emilio Jesus Macias, the two men who died in a boat crash alongside Marlins ace José Fernández, filed suit against the Fernández estate, each seeking $2 million in damages. Autopsy results showed that Fernández had a BAC of .147 as well as cocaine in his system at the…Read more...

Despite the parade of nor’easters that have recently struck the East Coast, spring has officially arrived, and with it comes the promise of camping and backpacking trips. But before you set out on your first backpacking trip of the season, let’s review the gear you should be packing and what condition that gear should…Read more...

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking about the Masters, walking, goth girlfriends, steak, and more.

Do you care about a slight uniform change for the NFL’s most anonymous team? I bet you do.Read more...

Rick Pitino’s been out of the coaching game not even a full year, but that itch is already starting to come back. Whether anybody’s willing to scratch it is another question entirely.Read more...

Here at Gizmodo Media Group, we have a functional and powerful union, one that protects us from, say, reading scripts that look like hostage statements or really doing anything debasing and against our will. So while our participation in the video at the top of this post wasn’t exactly involuntary, we did not expect…Read more...

I’ve always thought Easter was a bullshit holiday. Unlike most proper holidays, you don’t get a day off of work or school. The Easter Egg hunt holds neither the candy quality nor the door-to-door salesman charm of trick-or-treating. Peeps are a culinary atrocity. And I don’t look good in pastels. Easter is the…Read more...

Donte DiVincenzo was not a sophomore bench player on Monday night. He was when the game started, but by the final horn he was the man who had saved a national championship for Villanova.Read more...

There’s a buzz around this year’s Masters. Tiger Woods is back. “This might be the wildest year in Masters history,” CBS Sports reports. But the biggest news out of Augusta National this week is this: A popular, stupid beer catchphrase has been banned.Read more...

If you’ve been following the ongoing developments in the Larry Nassar scandal and Michigan State University’s sexual-assault crisis, you’ve recently become familiar with the phrase “#SpartansWill.” If you’ve spent any time around East Lansing, you already knew about it, because it’s all over town. You see it on…Read more...

Over the weekend, The Sandlot turned 25 years old. Major League Baseball is celebrating the anniversary of its release throughout the season with theme nights at nearly all of the stadiums. (The Brewers went above and beyond with their homage.) Despite growing up a devoted baseball fan—with aspirations beyond my…Read more...

io9 Zachary Quinto Hints at the Future of the Star Trek Movieverse | Jalopnik This Track Day Crash Lawsuit Could Be Bad News For Track Events Everywhere | Kotaku Well, This Was A Pretty Ridiculous Far Cry 5 Bug | Lifehacker Watch YouTube Videos Without Ads for Free With This Android App |Read more...

ESPN’s Kevin Seifert has a fun story today about NFL coaches’ continued and collective refusal to allow themselves the ability to consult live game footage on the sidelines. Why don’t they want what would seem to be a very helpful bit of technology at their disposal? Because it would make their jobs too easy.