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If you’re tired of hearing college coaches and athletic directors stumbling over themselves to repeat the same tired, NCAA-issued lines about maintaining the “integrity” of college sports, you’re in luck. Starting at 7 p.m., the college sports model will be put under a microscope, as Deadspin friend/contributor Andy…Read more...

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Little-known fact: Dave McKenna actually played all instruments during this live performance.Read more...

Markelle Fultz has spent the start of his NBA career battling through a shoulder injury and shooting his free throws like someone throwing laundry into a hamper. He hasn’t played well, but that’s not much of a concern at all, since he is 19 and rookie point guards tend to be bad. What is concerning is that Fultz’s…Read more...

Did you know you’ve been pooping all wrong? It’s true! Luckily, the obscenely popular Squatty Potty is designed to lift your legs into an ideal bowel movement position, and you can get a bamboo model on Amazon today. Although it more expensive than the usual plastic model, this one allows you to adjust to your optimal…Read more...

A squirrel ran onto the field before today’s Manchester City-Wolves game. After the grounds crew chased it around for a while, they eventually managed to wrangle it.Read more...

Phoenix Suns rookie Josh Jackson fouled out of Saturday’s blowout loss to the Clippers with six minutes left, and as he headed to the bench, he appeared to mime shooting a gun at a Clippers fan, before sitting down and mouthing “Fuck you.”

Serie A and Lazio FC announced they’ll be taking measures to counter anti-semitism at soccer matches. This decision was spurred by an incident this weekend in which Lazio supporters “defaced their Stadio Olimpico home in Rome with anti-Semitic graffiti and stickers showing images of [Anne] Frank ... wearing a jersey…Read more...

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking Penn State, airballs, butts, and more.

It’s been a rough week for Steelers rookie JuJu Smith-Schuster. Martavis Bryant is talking shit online about him, he’s landed in the concussion protocol, and now some rapscallion has made off with Smith-Schuster’s prized bicycle. This is bullshit! Give it back!

Welcome to Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week, a recurring feature in which we celebrate the worst quarterback play the NFL has to offer.Read more...

Jim Boeheim spoke with the press on Friday, per Syracuse.com, touching on Syracuse’s upcoming attempt to bounce back from a 19-15 NIT campaign, UNC’s last-minute dodging of NCAA penalties, and the fact that, actually, jersey sales aren’t really that high, so college athletes should probably be happy with their Pell…Read more...

Highlight reels in soccer often cull together the best moves of attacking players, and for good reason. Scoring is the most important thing you can do in the sport, dribbles and passes and shots are just more aesthetically pleasing than smart defensive positioning, etc. etc. That doesn’t mean the big lads at the back…Read more...

With the Nuggets down five toward the end of last night’s game against the Wizards, Jamal Murray canned a three to make it a one-score game. As the Nuggets walked back to their bench following a Wizards timeout, Nikola Jokic grazed Scott Brooks with his elbow. Brooks immediately whirled around as if he’d been shot,…Read more...

The Eagles pulled away from Washington in the second half Monday night, although at halftime they only led by one touchdown. The competitive game didn’t stop a few fans from fighting early in the third quarter of the Eagles’ 34-24 win in Philly.Read more...

The Cleveland Browns, who are once again a plague upon this green Earth, have spent the season flipping back and forth between a trio of QBs of varying mediocrity. DeShone Kizer, Kevin Hogan, and Cody Kessler have teamed up to throw seven touchdowns and 17 picks for a team that only figures to have more trouble…Read more...

When I was in high school, I let my guy friends shoot crumpled paper balls into my cleavage at lunch. I thought this made me cooler than the other girls, and that my ability to assimilate and remain sexualized was special. Besides, it was just a silly thing they did. It would be years before that memory soured, and I…Read more...

Dennis Smith Jr. is just 6-foot-2, but the audacious kind of 6-foot-2, the kind that wants to put the ball directly into the hoop no matter what bodies stand between him and it. There’s not a whole lot else going on in this Mavs roster, so it’s exhilarating when the rookie launches himself off the floorboards and…Read more...

Carson Wentz had a good rookie season, and he’s been playing great so far in his second year, but last night felt like a turning point. Maybe people put too much stock into players having big performances in nationally televised games—Doing It On The Big Stage, as it were—but Wentz looked like a superstar and maybe…Read more...

Hockey dude Henrik Lundqvist literally fell flat on his face on this play that gave the Sharks their fourth and final “goal” last night.

Vitals Everybody Is Lying About How to Flatten Your Belly | io9 Marvel Already Has Plans For Two New Thor: Ragnarok Characters Beyond the Movie | Kotaku The Nintendo Switch Now Supports GameCube Controllers | Jalopnik Five Little Car Things That Happen All The Time In Movies That Drive Me Insane | The A.V. Club …Read more...

You know that sparkling new arena that Detroit and its citizens paid a hefty chunk of $863 million for? Yeah, nobody is going to games there.

Joel Embiid vs. Andre Drummond was always going to be the real plot of the Sixers’ trip to Detroit, and in preparing for it, Embiid watched a lot of game tape and liked what he saw. “Defensively,” Embiid said of Drummond, “he doesn’t play any defense.”Read more...

Take the pack of three bamboo or plastic cutting boards you bought on a whim and throw them in the garbage. Or, at least order this awesome John Boos solid maple, reversible wooden cutting board and then throw your other crappy ones out when this arrives. At $70, it’s a worthwhile investment, but that price is gone by…Read more...

Our readers have purchased thousands of custom-tailored suits over from Indochino the last few years, and as a result, they’re unlocking their Black Friday sale early, just for us. For a limited time, take your pick of 65 suit styles—most of which are part of their latest collection—for just $349 with promo code…Read more...

In the fourth quarter of tonight’s game against Washington, Philadelphia quarterback Carson Wentz showed off some seriously brilliant escapology. Houdini-esque, even:

True independence: It’s not moving out of your parents’ house or living off your own farm-grown sustenance or declaring that you, therefore, the Representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the…Read more...

Ready for some juicy sled dog racing drama featuring drugs, father-son competition, and accusations of malicious behavior???? Here you go!!Read more...

Anaheim Ducks forward Patrick Eaves has been diagnosed with Guillain-Barré Syndrome, a rare condition in which the immune system attacks the body through the peripheral nervous system.Read more...

Greg Bishop of Sports Illustrated published a Q&A with Washington quarterback Kirk Cousins today. He discusses his new workspace at the stadium, his experience golfing with Donald Trump and his perspective on the protests during the national anthem. He also discusses this, regarding the birth of his son last month:Read more...

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. No way the Dodgers don’t have this, we just have to wait.Read more...

What a time it is to be a Tottenham fan!Read more...

With today’s first-round victory at Basel, Canadian wonderteen Denis Shapovalov has officially qualified for Milan, the new, strangely formatted “Next Gen” tournament intended to gin up interest in the rising cohort of men’s tennis stars. Only the top seven players 21 and under get to qualify, plus an Italian…Read more...

Lifehacker Here’s What’s Coming and Going From Netflix in November 2017 | Gizmodo It Sounds Like Snap Spectacles Turned Into a Massive Boondoggle | Kotaku Rockstar Explains Why GTA V Never Got Single-Player DLC | Jalopnik It’d Be A Business Miracle If Tesla And Uber Succeed At All | The A.V. Club SNL’…Read more...

Confirming what a great many expected, Miami head coach Jim Larranaga announced in a prepared statement Monday afternoon that he is “Coach-3" in the FBI’s investigation into the college basketball recruiting system.Read more...

This July, Rachel Nguyen and Joseph Orbeso went missing in Joshua Tree National Park in Southern California. The couple entered the park around 6:45 a.m. on July 27 and authorities realized something was amiss when they missed their check-out date the next day. Their car was found near the trailhead of the Maze Loop,…Read more...

Dolphins cornerback Bobby McCain helped Miami snatch a win from the Jets when he picked off Josh McCown in the final minute of Sunday’s 31-28 victory. McCain’s prize for his efforts was a fierce butt smack, courtesy of fellow Dolphin Xavien Howard.

The Indianapolis Colts lost 27-0 to the Jaguars on Sunday, and in the process allowed quarterback Jacoby Brissett to be sacked 10 times. The Colts have been losing games like this for awhile now, because the organization does not seem to believe in employing competent offensive lineman, and after the game receiver…Read more...

Following the bizarre nomination of an amateur player for FIFA’s female Player of the Year award, USWNT and Seattle Reign midfielder Megan Rapinoe has criticized soccer’s governing body, calling them “old, male and stale” in an interview with BBC.Read more...

ESPN has pulled the plug on PFT Commenter and Dan Katz’s weekly show Barstool Van Talk after just one episode. (The next episode would have been scheduled to air Wednesday morning at 1 a.m. ET.)Read more...

When Galatasaray SK took to the pitch yesterday for its match against Fenerbahce, fans unveiled a pre-game tifo featuring beloved fictitious Philadelphia boxing legend Rocky Balboa. Now Binali Yildirim, Turkey’s prime minister, has ordered an investigation into the Rocky tifo.Read more...

In an age of unprecedented analytics across sports, it’s getting increasingly difficult for teams to hone in on untapped avenues for optimization. It’s possible, then, that the Golden State Warriors have reached final frontier of quantification by bringing in renowned UC-Berkeley Social Psychologist, Dacher Keltner,…Read more...

If you aren’t a reader of The Athletic, a subscription-based and regionally focused conglomeration of sports sites, then you’ve probably at least heard of them after they went on a massive hiring spree and loaded up on writers who fell victim to layoffs that swept through the industry. They’ve grown rapidly over the…Read more...

Two-time All-Star, 1986 World Series MVP, and current Washington Nationals TV analyst Ray Knight was arrested for assault and battery over the weekend, according to the Fairfax County Police Department. Police say that officers were called to Knight’s home at 4:00 a.m. on Sunday after an argument between Knight and a…Read more...

From Pac-Man’s eternal pursuers all the way up to F.E.A.R.’s terrifying Alma Wade, games have always been full of ghosts, phantasms, phantoms, and other assorted ethereal fiends. In celebration of Kotaku Spooky Week, I consulted the Kotaku staff and we put together this definitive ranking of the scariest ghosts ever…Read more...

If you’re serious about health and fitness, this body composition monitor can give you a detailed analysis of your body without going to the doctor’s office.Read more...

Yesterday, Suns guard Eric Bledsoe sent one of the best athlete tweets in history:

Struggling (and visibly injured) Sixers rookie Markelle Fultz is in what one might call “hot water.” Through three losses and 59 minutes of run, the first overall pick has shot 34 percent from the field, bricked half his free throws with toddler form, taken just six shots from beyond nine feet, and hasn’t even…Read more...

Bengals linebacker Vontaze Burfict and the Steelers renewed acquaintances Sunday, and it took all of 43 seconds of game time for Burfict to do something that may warrant another suspension. Even for Burfict, that’s pretty efficient.Read more...

An Italian man won the Venice Marathon yesterday when the leaders of the race were accidentally directed the wrong way on the course.

Cowboys defensive back Jeff Heath, best known for almost decapitating a guy on the football field, was a kicker for Lake Orion High School (Mich.), and once hit a dramatic, game-winning 49-yard field goal. When Dan Bailey hurt his groin in Sunday’s game against the 49ers, Heath had to fill in.