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This is not a story from our colleagues at The Onion.

There is a deep Cam Newton divide in New England.Read more...

Frederick!Read more...

Remember this time a year ago when all we had to wager on was the NFL Draft?

With the NFL Draft on the top of everyone’s mind, it’s time for us to take a look back in the past at some of the prior number one picks.

While he’s tried to couch it in the most macho things he can think of — UFC, scotch, steak, being “manly,” — it’s important to remember that what Joe Rogan has always been is a whiner. And you know that because where he comes from is a bastion of white guys whining, and that’s stand-up comedy. Believe me, I know.

Marty Foster is giving Ángel Hernández a run for his money.

Thirty-two days after knocking out Stipe Miocic and winning the UFC World Heavyweight Title in Las Vegas, Nevada, Francis Ngannou brought this gold back to the crib.

Sure, they might not play the flashiest position and they’re not on the field all that much. And yes, they don’t block or tackle. Well… sometimes they do. Still, the kicker is a wildly important position. So don’t be surprised when a few prospects hear their names called on draft night.Read more...

Before Monday’s 146-143 overtime loss to the San Antonio Spurs, the Washington Wizards had won eight straight games. They were 19-33 before that winning streak and had little-to-no business being involved in the discussion we’re about to have.Read more...

The offseason quarterback carousel continues. Teddy Bridgewater is now a Bronco, and nothing has changed for either team. Bridgewater was traded to the Denver Broncos in exchange for a sixth-round pick, and his contract was immediately restructured to make him a free agent following the 2021 season.Read more...

Let’s get this out of the way: Joe Rogan is a galaxy-brained hack and if you listen to anything he says, you’re gonna have a bad time.Read more...

HBCUs have always been at the forefront of Black advancement in all areas of life.

I can’t believe I have to write this column, so let’s be clear right out of the gate: If you purchase the Floyd Mayweather-Logan Paul “fight,” thereby enriching both of these terrible humans and encouraging Paul to keep pretending he’s a boxer, you are contributing to the further Idiocracy-ization of America.Read more...

It’s Red Bull/Bundesliga manager tilt-a-whirl! Watch it spin! Where it stops...well, we actually have some idea. And where it stops provides yet another landmark for Americans in European soccer, this time the first Yank to manage in the Bundesliga.Read more...

Here’s a list of the top three least surprising things to happen this month:

Arguably the best cornerback in this NFL Draft, Caleb Farley would widely be considered a top-10 pick if it weren’t for a series of back injuries. Now, healed and ready for his NFL dream, Farley will have to miss the draft night experience in Cleveland due to a positive COVID-19 test.Read more...

Young Vlad Guerrero Jr. was some sort of cheat code last night. The Toronto (Dunedin, soon to be Buffalo) Blue Jays player had… a… game. He hit three homers and drove in seven runs. The Jays beat the Nats, 9-5. You do the math: Vlad’s bat won the game on its own.Read more...

Thanks, Showtime.

Christian Pulisic became the first American to score in a Champions League semifinal, and went some way to giving himself the opportunity to be the first American to appear in a Champions League Final by giving Chelsea an away goal in a 1-1 draw against Real Madrid.

I know that commissioners of every sport stopped being stewards of their sport and merely stooges for the owners long ago. Probably about the time MLB fired Fay Vincent to install one of its own, Bud Selig, and his dinosaur hands, windsock morality, and peabrain.

It’s always worth a laugh, if it weren’t so infuriating, when an organization like the Chicago Blackhawks gets backed into a corner like this:Read more...

When the vaccines started rolling out, sports stadiums became a popular place for inoculations. Many indoor arenas, major league ballparks, and NFL stadiums administered doses of the life- saving COVID vaccine. But this weekend, you can get a shot in the arm and a chance to watch a live NBA game in the same space. Not…Read more...

Everyone and their mother is talking about the 49ers’ Kyle Shanahan and the No. 3 overall pick. I’ve done so like six different times now. While their pick is interesting in terms of who they draft, we all know what they’ll draft — a quarterback. Things get very interesting with the next pick, however, as the in-flux…Read more...

It’s probably hard enough to be the Minnesota Twins under normal circumstances. Because no one outside of the Twin Cities wants to see you in the playoffs ever again. Some have even drafted measures to get you banned from the postseason forever. That’s what happens when you can’t manage to win a single playoff game in…Read more...

The importance of choosing the perfect first-round quarterback is overrated.

It was 8 years ago now that I wrote about my own sexual assault for a site I had only recently starting reading, called Deadspin. My purpose in writing it wasn’t to gain sympathy, or to “play the victim card” — the go-to insult a certain segment of Twitter pulls out every time a woman shares any kind of life…Read more...

CP3 should be the MVP this season.

It’s a Trash Talking Tuesday, and today I’m trashing the Cincinnati bar owner refusing to show NBA games because LeBron James won’t just shut up and dribble.

The timing of it made you wonder what exactly Jeff Bridich was fired for, or encouraged to step down, as it was. Make no mistake, Bridich deserved to be shitcanned for his job, and has for a couple years now. Maybe right after the ink dried on Ian Desmond’s or Wade Davis’ contract. But he was allowed to keep his job…Read more...

Someone looked at baseball and asked, “What’s the most outlandish and absurdly interesting method that could decide the outcome of a game,” and our colleagues at The Onion ... oops! ... I mean real baseball executives in charge of the Pioneer League, have apparently found the answer — sudden-death home run derby.

Welp, here we go again. Yet another video of the police using a person of color as target practice is devastating a community and Black America. But this time, I want you to pay attention to who you don’t see or hear from, which are white athletes.Read more...

Yesterday, the Atlanta Braves found themselves somewhere most baseball teams will inevitably find themselves over 162 games — in a funk. They had lost two straight to the Arizona Diamondbacks and hadn’t scored a run since Friday. They needed something, anything, to get rid of the negative energies and cleanse the…Read more...

All I ask of TNT/TBS in their new deal with the NHL is to leave Pierre McGuire on the couch.

You all have seen more mock drafts than you can count by now. I get it. I promise you, though, you have not and will not see another that resembles this in any way. With the NFL Draft finally, mercifully starting soon, let’s have a little fun and create the most chaotic mock draft we can think of. My singular goal…Read more...

I could have sworn there would be some sort of sign when the Knicks returned to relevancy. Unpredicted bird migrations, horses running through the streets, green skies, things of that nature. Knicks fans have been waiting...well, most of my adult life for the chance to be as obnoxious as their Yankees or Giants…Read more...

Because apparently I can’t avoid discussing the 49ers or the third overall pick or any of its ramifications, I’m here today to bring you the latest bit of commentary surrounding the selection. At a Niners press conference today, head coach Kyle Shanahan and General Manager John Lynch said a lot of words without saying…Read more...

The Atlanta Parakeets are officially taking calls for a potential Julio Jones trade.Read more...

It’s April, and there’s still time to be fooled.

This will be the third standings system or alignment the NHL has used in the past decade. But no matter how they shake out the teams or decide how they get into the playoffs, it’s a safe bet that the Pittsburgh Penguins and Washington Capitals will be at the top. Part of that is the NHL basically went to the…Read more...

I don’t know if there has ever been a more disrespectful indictment of Steph Curry’s defensive abilities than what happened last night in a game against Sacramento.

Let’s just get down to brass tacks, how much for the ape? Whoops, no not that. Sorry. Got confused. The brass tacks we need to get down to is that the seven-inning doubleheader is dumb. Not as dumb as the extra-inning rule, but dumb. The players seem to like it, and why wouldn’t they? But this is going to be more of…Read more...

Still think cryptocurrency is just a fad?

For sure, nobody wants to hear it.Read more...

Beat writers in Baton Rouge deserve raises.

As I’ve said, I’m really doing my best to follow MLS more closely this year. What I had forgotten is that the opening weeks of the season often resemble the opening month of the NHL season, and can be tons of fun. For the non-hockey inclined, October hockey (when the season is normally starting) is perhaps the most…Read more...

It’s something of a surprise that as anticipated as the season series between the Padres and Dodgers was before the season started, the seven games they’ve played have managed to outweigh that anticipation. They’ve lived up to the billing and so much more. Whatever baseball’s problems are on the field, and there are…Read more...

To paraphrase a line from the great Ricky Bobby — Yup. Joey Logano is flying through the air. This is not good.

A bar owner in Cincinnati, Ohio won’t play NBA games until LeBron is “expelled” from the League for his now-deleted Twitter post.Read more...

The subplots and nuances of the burgeoning Padres-Dodgers hot war are developing at a rate that’s hard to stay on top of. Perhaps that’s with the greater focus on these games and the race between the two (though the Giants are currently splitting them) because they’re two of the only four teams doing all they can to…Read more...