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Some people are fans of the Cincinnati Bengals. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Cincinnati Bengals. This 2018 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

If we were to build a pantheon of world soccer’s most lethal weapons, there are a few iconic appendages we can think of that would be locks to make it in: Lionel Messi’s left foot, Cristiano Ronaldo’s right, Abby Wambach’s head. To those ranks we must now add the right hip/stomach/ribs region of Lauren Hemp, the…Read more...

D.C. United sent their keeper up for a corner kick with a minute left in stoppage time of a tied game. It backfired, spectacularly. Then it didn’t, spectacularly, and it was all thanks to good ol’ Wayne Rooney.

The texts would come at all hours of the night, numbering in the thousands. “Have you been with an older guy?” “You’re really hot, so it’s worth the risk of getting in trouble.” “Has your daddy fucked you today?”

Lost in the thrill of rookie David Bote’s spectacular walk-off grand slam was the best pitching duel of perhaps the entire season. New Cubs acquisition Cole Hamels threw seven innings of one-hit, one-run ball, and Max Scherzer, favorite for a third straight Cy Young, did him one better with three hits and 11…Read more...

A scuffle broke out at the Jacksonville Jaguars’ practice on Sunday when defensive end Dante Fowler had to be separated from defensive end Yannick Ngakoue. The fight didn’t appear to be anything remarkable as far as training camp fights go, and we know that because Florida Times-Union reporter Phillip…Read more...

When you’re playing baseball as a kid, just messing around with a bat and a ball in the park or your backyard, what are you picturing? Every time, it’s you’re down three, bases loaded, bottom of the ninth, two outs, two strikes.

Gizmodo AMD’s 16-Core Beast Creams Intel, but You Might Be Better Off Without It | Jalopnik The 2019 Mazda Miata’s Extra Power Makes a Great Car Better | Kotaku Former IGN Reviewer Responds To Plagiarism Allegations: ‘Not At All Intentional’ [UPDATES: Third Review Questioned, Video Removed] | Lifehacker What’s Coming…Read more...

One of the most common punishments in the NFL is the suspension, in which a player who misbehaves or runs afoul of the law isn’t allowed to play in his team’s game. But since we’re in preseason right now—an awful time on the NFL calendar when every player’s goal is simply to avoid a season-ending injury—punishments…Read more...

Tiger Woods didn’t win, which is how I’ll remember this year’s PGA Championship. But he was close, which is what made it to me the most exciting and memorable PGA Championship in a decade. Because I don’t care about golf, don’t find it interesting as a sport. (Complaints can be directed here.) But I care very much…Read more...

Whether you’re worried about losing your wedding band at work, or you just don’t want to end up like Jimmy Fallon, silicone wedding bands are practical, affordable, and actually pretty good looking. If you’re curious to try one out, Enso just kicked off its summer sale, taking 20% off every ring they sell.Read more...

The Jets and Skins participated in a joint practice Sunday afternoon at Washington’s Richmond training camp. As happens, things got heated between the two teams, leading to several skirmishes and, finally, a big ol’ footbrawl:

Washington defensive line coach and former 49ers head coach Jim Tomsula has some interesting advice for perking up that Pabst Blue Ribbon you’ve foolishly chosen for your beverage. Throw a pinch of salt into that fucker!

This is unreal.Read more...

An extremely bold and daring Steelers fan showed up to the team’s Saturday open practice in a Troy Polamalu jersey and helmet, and managed to get onto the field before several Steelers players noticed that Polamalu is a 37-year-old man who hasn’t played football for the Steelers or anyone else in more than three…Read more...

The Broward County Police Benevolent Association—the union of officers in one of the three counties that make up the greater Miami area—is calling on its members to boycott Miami Dolphins games and return discounted tickets because the Dolphins have not successfully forced their players to stand during pregame…Read more...

Johnny Manziel’s second CFL start went much better than his first. For one thing, he made it out of the first half; for another, he completed 16 of 26 passes for 168 yards, and gained another 36 yards on three rushing attempts, and generally looked like a guy who can do some positive football things out there:Read more...

Here is Isaiah Thomas, shouting out the various towns where he’s played in the NBA, and their fanbases. You will enjoy the part where he gets to Cleveland, unless you happen to feel any loyalty or affinity towards Cleveland:Read more...

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Ramon Laureano has played a total of five games in the majors, all this season, all since the start of August. It’s been a fun start! He’s already had a number of defensive highlights, and his first hit in the bigs was a walk-off game-winner in extras, in his first career game.Read more...

There comes a time in every young car person’s life that they have to learn a few important life skills in order to be fulfilled, happy, and healthy. In this case I’m talking about the ability to clutch dump, rip a hydraulic handbrake, and properly steer through a donut. Or rather a series of donuts that lasts nearly…Read more...

The University of Maryland has added head coach D.J. Durkin to the list of coaches and trainers on administrative leave, in the wake of reports that the football program was “toxic” in ways that may have contributed to the death of sophomore Jordan McNair this summer.

Steph Curry participated in the Ellie Mae Classic this week, for the second year in a row. Last year Curry shot 74-74 on Thursday and Friday, and missed the cut by 11 shots. It was by no means a world-class showing, but it was impressive stuff from a professional basketball player.Read more...

Frothing, militaristic football coaching has always relied on the premise that in order to win, players need to be trained and disciplined to the point of breaking down, so that their temperament and habits can be rebuilt in line with the goals and ambitions of the team. It’s a gnarly, brutal way of doing business,…Read more...

Here is South Carolina head football coach Will Muschamp—a meathead sack of shit—commenting on reports that the Maryland football program run by D.J. Durkin was toxic and subjected players to intimidation, humiliation, and extreme physical exhaustion, factors that may have contributed to the death of sophomore Jordan…Read more...

Bill Simmons, a man who runs a website renowned for its sports knowing and, more and more, its television and movie knowing, is having a hard time finding sports programming on obscure channels like, umm, TNT:

The NCAA announced a number of changes to existing player eligibility rules this past week. Mostly they are junk that will mean nothing to the kinds of players who are most screwed and exploited by the NCAA’s brand of forced amateurism. Hilariously, though the changes have to do with the NCAA’s handling of the NBA…Read more...

19-year-old Maryland sophomore Jordan McNair died June 13, two weeks after he was airlifted from an offseason football workout to a local shock trauma center following an on-field collapse. Details of what caused McNair’s collapse and subsequent death were sparse and vague at the time, but a pair of ESPN reports…Read more...

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. We live in a society.Read more...

Nature isn’t always pretty. Sometimes it’s just gnarly as hell.

Boston sports radio host Kirk Minihane revealed Thursday night that he had been absent from WEEI’s Kirk and Callahan for a few days because he checked into a hospital last week after experiencing suicidal thoughts. On today’s show, he elaborated on what happened.

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Before he was the regular goalkeeper at Chelsea, Thibault Courtois was the number one at Atletico Madrid when they burst onto the La Liga scene to challenge the duopoly of Barcelona and Real Madrid. Now, since his transfer to Real earlier this week, Courtois has been forced to awkwardly answer for his past as a member…Read more...

Statistically, Tre Boston was one of the NFL’s better cover safeties last season, when he played for the Chargers. He figured he’d cash in when he hit free agency, only to languish until July 25, when he signed with the Cardinals for one year, $1.5 million, with incentives that could push those earnings up to around…Read more...

At the start of a game that probably shouldn’t be played right now (I mean really, the World Cup ended less than a month ago for chrissakes, don’t these guys deserve some rest?), a player that probably shouldn’t be playing (Paul Pogba had a big role in that World Cup right up till the end, you might remember) and…Read more...

Nineteen-year-old Charles Lalonde was deadlifting 350 pounds at Buzzfit Gym in Montreal on Aug. 2. Each time his plates hit the mats underneath, they made a dull cla-cla-clang that would not faze a sane person exercising in a gym, as gyms tend be filled with countless such noises and even worse music. Lalonde had been…Read more...

Welcome to the Deadspin 25, a college football poll that strives to be more democratic and less useless than every other preseason poll. Leading up to the college football season kickoff, we will give you previews of the 25 teams that you, the readers, voted to be most worthy of writing about. Now, No. 17 USC.

Hi, I’m Albert, I write for Deadspin. Here’s me, in more ways than one:

Jay Cutler is good at eating pussy. He wasn’t always, but he is now.

Summer isn’t over yet and if you think you’ll squeeze in a few more days at the pool this season, you should buy a 3-pack of these drink floaties. The swans, rainbows, and donuts are all only $5 for a 3-pack, so what are you waiting for?Read more...

Minnesota Vikings defensive end Everson Griffen and his wife were in New York City recently, and it looks like they spent some time seeing the sights:

On Monday, the defending champion Lamigo Monkeys of the Chinese Professional Baseball League announced that they had signed former Oregon State pitcher Luke Heimlich, who pleaded guilty to molesting his 6-year-old niece in 2012. Heimlich was probably a first-round talent, but he was not drafted by any major league…Read more...

Some people are fans of the Miami Dolphins. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Miami Dolphins. This 2018 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

The Colorado Rockies had a chance at a signature win Thursday night against the division-leading Dodgers. Instead they got a signature loss, or at least lost in the same way they’ve lost all year. At home versus their division rivals in a crucial series, Chris Iannetta smacked a go-ahead three-run homer off Pedro Baez…Read more...

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Try to imagine the worst possible NFL preseason storyline. If you think hard enough, you’ll probably come up with the vague outlines of something involving... the Pittsburgh Steelers... deflated footballs... and... sports radio dingus Howard Eskin? Well guess what, asshole, that’s the shit we’re in right now:

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In a moment he’s almost certainly been waiting for since this past February, President Donald Trump leapt on the last night’s NFL pre-season protests, where players from teams across the league knelt, raised their fists, or simply didn’t appear on field for the singing of the National Anthem.

Exit velocity has become the bugbear of baseball’s anti–“super nerds” crowd. For them, the relatively recent ability to measure how hard a ball comes off a bat is a symbol of everything wrong with modern baseball analysis: a quantification of something that doesn’t need to be quantified; a number that tells you what…Read more...

Try not to panic, but you’re probably pooping all wrong. Luckily, there’s an easy solution: a Squatty Potty, either the 7" model or the 9" model, marked down to $20 today from the usual $25.Read more...