‘I am not Hayden Lowe’: my Kafka-esque case of mistaken identity

Since 2009, I have been getting bombarded with phone calls and texts for a wanted man - but it's not me

Hayden Lowe has been a fixture in my life for more than seven years. There is no escaping him. He disappears for weeks but, when he returns, it's with a barrage of phone calls and text messages. Hayden, it seems, is a wanted man. The problem is that I am his intermediary, through no desire of my own.

Hayden made his first non-appearance in 2009. "I wish to speak to Hayden," said an unknown woman who had rung my mobile. I replied that there was no one called Hayden at my address. There was no Hayden among my friends and acquaintances. After hearing this, her voice took on an anguished tone. "We've been reliably informed that this is Hayden's contact number," she continued. I assured her that her informant was mistaken and hung up.