How to parent without limitations| Trevor Silvester

Foisting unnecessary fears on to our children can severely limit their futures

For 20 years I've sat in my therapy room and listened to people. I've heard hundreds of stories from childhood that have led to lives of pain and limitation. Some are what you'd expect - abuse, trauma and deprivation - but many are much more mundane. Can a bad first day at school really lead to a fear of failure? Can a single moment of rejection lead to serial relationship disasters? It certainly seems so.

Yet for every childhood sufferer of trauma who still bears the scars as an adult, there's an adult for whom trauma has led to a life of meaning and achievement. Until its sad demise I worked as a therapist with Kids Company, a charity that helped vulnerable young people. As a consequence, I've often seen young people dragging themselves out of a routine of deprivation to pursue a better life with a resilience that left me breathless.