Howard Jacobson: 'I don't do social media, so why can't I stop checking my phone?'

I have no apps. I play no games. I don't tweet. But still my phone exerts its hold

I recall my first mobile phone with a mixture of fondness and irritation. I bought it 20 years ago in Australia in preparation for the arduous trek from Perth to Broome in the far north-west. Broome was known to be a feral place. Superannuated pearl fishermen roamed the streets in cowboy boots. Six-foot goannas broke into kitchens to rummage through the rubbish. Brahminy kites patrolled the skies, waiting for whatever sidled poisonously out of the mangrove swamps. Temperatures reached a thousand degrees in the shade, only there was no shade. When you're that remote, a mobile phone is a necessity. "Hello, is that air rescue? Helicopter me out of here. Now."

It was a chunky Nokia cased in leather with a waterproof plastic window and a clip for hanging on your belt, alongside your crocodile knife and snake eviscerator. A phone was just a phone then. It sent a call and it received a call. Except that in Broome it did neither. No signal that far north. I wore it on my belt anyway, in case I needed to throw it at a goanna.