Fitbits for kids? Better yet, encourage them to hopscotch – and tell them they are loved
The latest product from Fitbit is called Ace. It is designed for children aged eight to 13 years old, and will help parents monitor their offspring's health. ("Ace", to my ears, sounds like the online username of a predatory catfish, but let's leave that to one side.) I'm not sure how it will work - presumably there's a gamification element for the kids, socially sharing movement and sleep levels, and rewarding healthy choices. Or maybe it simply electrocutes them if they go into a fried chicken shop.
As any right-thinking person knows, technology peaked with the invention of the pyramid teabag. But only a fool wouldn't admit to the sophistication of activity trackers like Fitbit. Embedded with accelerometers and altimeters, they disapprovingly calculate the number of stairs climbed, calories consumed and breaths taken, producing in-app graphs that prove you are a human sausage who will die at the desk of a job you hate. The scrutiny doesn't end there. Fitbit has announced that it is looking into sensors that can track sleep apnea. Apple wants its earbuds to measure how much we sweat. Wearable blood glucose meters are being piloted, and in a few months, we will see personal hydration monitors on sale. This year, the sound of summer will be a wristband nagging you to put down the WKD and slam a Robinsons fruit shoot instead. Better than Ed Sheeran, I suppose.
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