Penis facials contain foreskins of circumcised infants

"And not everyone is happy."

the controversial trend is back in the spotlight-and not in a good way. Penis facials are receiving a lot of backlash following a November 21st Instagram post by actress Kate Beckinsale, who captioned her photo, "After a long flight I do like to lie down and be covered in a mask of liquified cloned foreskins - frankly who doesn't?"

Among the outlets elaborating on this story are People and The Guardian. The penis facial is $650, but there's a two-year waiting list. It is, essentially, minor outpatient surgery akin to a botoxing or chemical peel:

I'll hate myself for this, but can you explain the foreskin facial? Of course! Epidermal growth factor (EGF) serum is derived from the progenitor cells of the human fibroblast taken from the foreskins of newborn babies.

And what does it do? Glad you asked. It helps to generate collagen and elastin, which can help to boost the radiance of your face. Fun sidenote: it also smells exactly like sperm!

Well, sign me up. Wait, there's more. For the serum to take hold, a beauty therapist must first microneedle you.

I don't know what that is. Oh, it's fun. It's where a pen containing dozens of tiny needles repeatedly stabs you in the face hundreds of thousands of times. It's excruciatingly painful

Hyperreality refers to our inability to separate reality from simulation. This is a feature of postmodern life often associated with VR but baked deeply into our psychological relationship to media in general. Now, this seems like a great way to approach the issue of celebrities on instagram smearing themsleves in juiced baby cock flesh. But let me suggest an alternate frame of reference: Hell is empty and all the devils are here.