This GoPro for Your Dick Is Ridiculous

Remember that viral video of the dog wearing a GoPro camera on its neck and dashing gleefully toward the ocean? If you've forgotten it, here it is again:

Now imagine this video, but the dog is a dick, and the GoPro is affixed not with a collar but with a cock ring. That's the idea behind the Cock Cam, "the world's first cock ring with a camera" created by UK-based sex toy company Julz.

The Cock Cam is "a revolutionary sex toy that allows you to record all of your erotic moments at never seen before angles, store and view videos on your mobile device through the Secure Mobile App, taking your sexy home videos to the next level," according to its website. It costs $159.95, and can record video in infrared night vision and HD video, up to 90 minutes at 1080P, 15 frames per second.

When the promotional video for the Cock Cam started, I thought the video for the product was running a pre-roll ad: lots of soaring drone shots and an inspirational voiceover about "doing what you love" as a man packs a parachute and gazes over a cliff. I looked around for the "skip ad" counter and there was none.

Then the man jumped, and suddenly the camera switch to a point-of-view shot from the base of a dildo between his legs. I'm staring down the shaft of this flopping, clearly fake penis as it soars through the air.

Another promo video on Cock Cam's YouTube channel is less inspirational, more aggressive, but gives a better idea of how this thing works on a penis:

This isn't the first time companies have thought putting cameras on people's junk is a smart idea. The Svakom Siime Eye, a dildo with a camera on it, could easily be hacked to expose sensitive data. But the Cock Cam website promises that its app and device are secure.

"All footage is stored directly to your mobile device," the website says. "Your footage is never stored on the App, the App is used to operate the camera and view the footage only. Check your mobile device's security policies, data is not stored on the app or on any cloud storage."

But as we learned in 2017 when Motherboard hacked and remotely controlled a We-Vibe sex toy through the Tor network, it's not that difficult to hack a lot of these connected toys.

There's also the question of whether tightly strapping a camera, including batteries, running HD video, onto your erect dick is a good idea. The Cock Cam FAQ page notes that the camera might start warming up when it's in use for long periods. I can only pray they've stress-tested this thing.