Hilarious cockpit transcript of the Navy pilots who drew a giant penis in the sky over Washington

On November 16, 2017, the crew of a Navy EA-18G Growler jet delighted sixth graders, launched a meme, and pissed off prudes everywhere by drawing a penis in the sky with their engine exhaust over the state of Washington. Their prank caused quite a stir in the Navy, even leading to an "official information dispatch" to the Office of the Chief of Naval Operations. It's still unknown how much trouble the pilots got themselves into but the Navy Times has just received a copy of the full report thanks to a Freedom of Information Act request. The cockpit transcripts are fantastic. From the Navy Times:

"You should totally try to draw a penis," the (pilot's cockpit partner, an electronic warfare office [EWO]) advised.

"I could definitely draw one, that would be easy," the pilot boasted. "I could basically draw a figure eight and turn around and come back. I'm gonna go down, grab some speed and hopefully get out of the contrail layer so they're not connected to each other...."

"Balls are going to be a little lopsided," the pilot advised.

"Balls are complete," he reported moments later. "I just gotta navigate a little bit over here for the shaft."

"Which way is the shaft going?" the EWO asked.

"The shaft will go to the left," the pilot answered.

"It's gonna be a wide shaft," the EWO noted.

"I don't wanna make it just like 3 balls," the pilot said.

"Let's do it," the EWO said. "Oh, the head of that penis is going to be thick."