I look at my laughter lines and mutter: 'Nothing’s that funny' | Lucy Mangan

According to Iain Duncan Smith I'll still be expected to work when I am just one giant stiffened joint

I need varifocals. I make noises of extreme contentment as I sit down and extreme discontent as I get up off the sofa. It takes 20 minutes every morning before I feel my joints are truly working smoothly. I look at the laughter lines on my face in the mirror and mutter: "Nothing's that funny." In the shower, I can't turn round enough to perform vital ablutions with ease, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, let me just say enjoy it while you can.