The ‘ex-closeted gay jihadist' bringing meditation to Jakarta

Once a campus fundamentalist who hid his sexuality, today Bagia Arif Saputra helps others find harmony in Indonesia's capital

When Bagia Arif Saputra was growing up in a university town near Jakarta, becoming a jihadist seemed a natural choice for young men like him, who were steeped in the teachings of Islamic fundamentalism. Less easy was reconciling this identity with his sexuality.

"I was living a double life," says Saputra. "I would go to the campus mosque, try to focus on my prayers " and find myself checking out a guy and thinking, 'Nice ass'. And then immediately, 'Astaghfirullah [God forgive me]!' So then I would have to redo my prayers. It was a vicious cycle."