‘We’re very afraid here.’ For these North York seniors, routine tasks and loneliness have become a daily battle

Barry Kaplan and his wife, Vivian, are wrestling with a gnawing fear.

Fear of COVID-19 - a virus that could be a death sentence, especially for seniors like Barry, 78, and Vivian 73, a North York couple with underlying health conditions.

Barry brushes his teeth cautiously now because he's worried something could go wrong inside his mouth that requires a visit to a dentist - a trip he says he can't risk now.

"I'm afraid. People our age have all kinds of problems cropping up with their teeth," Barry says. "I'm kind of a little more careful lifting too. I don't start moving anything heavy."

And Vivian walks more carefully inside their three-bedroom home, afraid a slip or fall might cause a break or fracture requiring a hospital admission that would expose her to the deadly virus.

"It's very frustrating and depressing. There's no end in sight. That's the problem," Vivian says.

The Kaplans represent the experience of millions of seniors in Canada now, as the life-threatening implications of the coronavirus and self-isolation play out with no timeline as to when it will end.

Evolving information from public officials and stark changes to personal routines, as well as being shut in while dealing with nagging worries about the future, are having a profound impact on seniors emotionally and psychologically, experts point out.

Barry can't help focusing on the increasing number of COVID-19 cases and deaths in Canada, the U.S. and around the world.

"What we're saying is, we're very afraid here," Barry says.

"Everyone is stuck in their own little cell or environment. So, there's no human contact, just the two of us together within our four walls. There's nothing else, and that is hard for long periods of time," Vivian says.

"Usually you catch a cold and you know you're looking at maybe two weeks before you feel better. This (virus) is not like that. This is a sentence that has come down on us," she adds.

The couple agreed to share their story after Barry reached out to the Star in an email describing the concerns he and his wife have about the virus, including the prospect of having to stay locked up in their home for "many, many months."

When a Star reporter called them to follow up, the couple provided honest, personal and wide-ranging details, with Vivian, a retired businesswoman who ran an interior decor company, on one end of the phone line and Barry, a mathematician who worked 35 years for IBM in the engineering and scientific use of computers, on another.

The couple say they won't feel entirely safe from the coronavirus until they can roll up their sleeves and be injected with a vaccine. They prefer that scenario to one where health authorities determine the virus has abated to the point the general public can start going outside and being around others.

"We're going to be afraid to go out. We have no immunities built up. We're in high-risk category," Vivian says.

Adds Barry: "Even if they lifted this rule (on social distancing and staying indoors) - let me put it crudely - I'd be scared s---less that I'm going to catch it."

Vivian chimes in: "But if they take two years to do it (develop a vaccine), I don't want to be two years older before I leave my house either."

Barry had a pacemaker implanted in his chest in 2001 for his atrial fibrillation condition, and he takes five medications - including a blood thinner, blood pressure pills and medication to control diabetes.

His wife takes eight medications including insulin.

The Kaplans are following recommendations from the province and Ontario's chief medical officer of health that people over age 70 self-isolate except for essential trips.

So aside from bending the guidelines a bit and taking brief 10- to 15-minutes walks around the block once a day while keeping a safe distance from other people, the Kaplans are indoors around the clock.

They both drive, but their cars sit idle in their driveway because the Kaplans don't think it's safe for them to get behind the wheel. What if they get in an accident? What if they need to pump gas? In either scenario, they'll likely come in contact with other people, and that's an infection risk they're not willing to take.

So isolation means there won't be a Passover for either of them this month - at least not one with the traditions the two are used to - grandchildren, family, sometimes friends, all coming together to celebrate.

"The ladies do all kinds of great cooking. We're not doing it this year. But I've done (Passover) every year of my life - 78 years. My dad and his dad before," Barry says.

There have been some bright spots. Getting medications has been easier. Barry discovered his local drugstore ships prescriptions for free, so that's been a pleasant surprise.

The couple have three sons in Mississauga aged 44, 47 and 50 who delivered food to them early on when the Kaplans began self-isolating three weeks ago.

But, in the past few days as food ran out, Vivian went online to buy groceries and have them delivered to the house. By Sunday, she managed to find a service that will deliver April 15.

Being cut off from friends in their peer group has been a struggle, but this past weekend the Kaplans and five other couples got together via Zoom video. They ate snacks, had drinks and chatted.

"We were on for 40 minutes. The time zipped by, getting caught up and laughing," Barry says. "Most importantly there was an underlying, strong feeling of camaraderie that we are all in these trying times together."

Still, whiling away the hours at home, it's been hard not to think about the grim statistics connected to COVID-19, Barry says. Being a math guy, he recently made a spreadsheet to track the number of coronavirus cases, deaths and percentages of deaths relative to cases in the U.S., Canada and the world. But he found the project sad and discouraging, so he eventually threw the spreadsheet in the trash.

"The paper was face up in the garbage, so I turned it over in the garbage," he says.

The high rate of deaths among seniors alarms both of them.

(Statistics from a recent research study in The Lancet Infectious Diseases examined data from 40 countries and found COVID-19 kills four per cent of patients in their 60s and nine per cent of patients in their 70s. One per cent of people in their 50s have succumbed to the virus and less than one per cent in their 40s have died, according to the study).

What's also upsetting the Kaplans is the number of people dying in seniors' homes, such as the more than two dozen who have lost their lives at one facility in Bobcaygeon, Ont.

The couple are left thinking about how the average person is processing so many deaths of the elderly. The Kaplans wonder, "Does the general public care?"

"What are people saying around their kitchen tables? I think they're saying that seniors who are dying lived a good life, that 75 or 80 is a long life," Barry says.

But Barry, who has a master's degree in mathematics, counters that statistics indicate the life expectancy for a 75-year-old in Canada is about 10 more years.

"That's a great period of time for friends, weddings, grandchildren. Something to look forward to. A lot of good times," he says.

Experts say distress and anxiety caused by the COVID-19 crisis are heightened for seniors because the pandemic is such an evolving situation - the numbers of cases and deaths are changing, while warnings and instructions from government and public health officials seem to alter rapidly.

"The isolation and uncertainty for seniors, in addition to the fact they are at higher risk from the virus, all of that (diminishes) the ability to cope. Less things are in their control," says Suze Berkhout, an assistant professor in the University of Toronto's department of psychiatry.

"The anxiety is coming from that sense of a threat," she adds.

That's one reason it's important for friends, relatives and neighbours to check in on seniors during the outbreak, Berkhout says.

"It's rebuilding the sense of collectivity and solidarity to fill in the gaps," she says.

Kathleen Bingham, a geriatric psychiatrist at the University Health Network, recommends seniors who are able to should use social media sites such as Facebook to connect with others.

There are also exercise videos online that seniors can tap into, Bingham says.

But with so many community resources for seniors shut down due to the coronavirus, the elderly now have limited supports, as do caregivers living with elderly loved ones, Bingham says.

"It can be challenging for caregivers to find something to do for them," Bingham adds.

She pointed to informational resources such as the Ontario Caregiver Organization or a regional geriatric program such as Toronto's for those seeking assistance.

Amid all the doom and gloom, Barry has been trying to keep himself distracted with lists of chores Vivian gives him, including recently decluttering the basement.

After going through one box of family mementos, he ended up making an album to keep old pictures of their sons, the boys' old report cards and their awards.

"It's hard to throw things out. I once heard a woman saying her daughter had purged old belongings and how happy the daughter was to do that. Man, I don't know. Somehow that word purge doesn't work for me," Barry says, laughing at the irony.

Being depressed is "not our nature," Vivian says. "Our nature is trying to find something positive. To make a bad situation better. We're keeping busy."

Says Barry: "We're trying our best. But I'm, not feeling all that terrific."

Donovan Vincent is a housing reporter based in Toronto. Follow him on Twitter: @donovanvincent