Staying "Fit for the Apocalypse" with punk icon Alice Bag

Richard Simmons gave his heart to the world. It was no small feat to be an energetic & effeminate fitness celebrity in the homophobic 80s, and yet he still rose to prominence and encouraged self respect at every size many years before it was cool. Richard's videos didn't just have us grapevining for our lives, he encouraged us to get there by loving ourselves.

But now that Richard has retired from the limelight to live a well-earned private life and we've long since worn out our VHS copies of Sweatin' To The Oldies, where to turn for that special brand of campy lo-fi cardio? What if you're not a hardcore exercise fiend trying to get into a titty flex contest with Terry Crews and are instead just looking for a fun way to keep that ass in motion while sheltering in place?

Legendary punk singer and Violence Girl author Alice Bag's Fit for the Apocalypse" workout videos on YouTube are a good place to start. Each episode is the length of a punk song, which isn't always enough time for a proper workout but, you know, just stream them all consecutively and jog in place while you scrub through to the action. After years of being punished by crappy club music in every spin class ever, this is the exercise soundtrack you've been yearning for. Squat and punch along to cool new punk bands like the Linda Lindas and Amyl & the Sniffers or lunge to classics like The Tissues. Along with standard aerobics moves like the grapevine, get ready for new Alice Bag signature classics like "The Hallelejuah" and the Tit-sa." But like Alice says, "It's not about the moves. Exercise can help clear your head of noise and it should be fun."

Other potential heirs to the throne of Simmons: Roryography, Ryan Heffington, and Pony Sweat.