Would you pay $30,000 for one of these ugly-ass Game of Thrones guitars?
I don't need any more stringed-instruments; I have my main electric guitar; a backup electric; another electric that's strictly for sentimental decor and only occasional strumming; an acoustic-electric; an electric bass; an upright dulcimer; a lap-steel guitar; and a mandolin. But I definitely want more instruments (specifically a high-end Dreadnought acoustic and/or one of several hollow bodies I've been eyeing). So whenever I see a music sale coming up, I take a look, just in case.
Which is how I found myself flipping through Guitar Center's 4th of July Sale, and stumbled on these disgusting beasts.
These special edition Game of Thrones Fender Custom Shop guitars were released in April 2019, and run between $25,000 and $35,000 a piece. Yes, you read that right: twenty-five thousand to thirty-five thousand dollars. And according to Fender, they each take around 100 hours to make, which makes them a little less absurdly priced, but still completely unnecessary.
Even if I had that kind of money, I don't think I'd go much higher than this $4,350 thinline semi-hollow Telecaster (hint hint). I genuinely cannot fathom who the market is for these hideous GoT axes. Was Fender approached by a Private Equity Consultant who encouraged them to target the niche market of a billionaire trustfund babies who love fantasy and collect guitars to display in their homes?
The $30,000 Lannister Jaguar (center) does come with a 24K gold leaf over on the front, back and headstock, as well as a gold-plated pickguard; the shiny finish on the body is actually just paint. I guess that might make some sense if you wanted to hide your wealth in assets instead of letting it collect interest in a bank account somewhere - although I can't imagine that this will increase much in value over the years.
The cheapest option, the Grey Wolf Telecaster (left), has sterling silver dot position markers, and a silver purfling around the rim of the body. Showrunner D. B. Weiss said in a very corny press release that, "The Telecaster seems like it's the instrument the good guy plays. It's the instrument the Sherriff plays. The Starks have that integrity, that Northern no-nonsense approach, and it feels like a Telecaster embodies that." Which, sure, okay.
The most expensive axe, the "Dragonglass Black" Targaryen Stratocaster (right), offers similar features in terms of precious metals, but also boasts hand-carved dragon scales on the body and a hand-tooled leather pickguard, which, I will concede, does make for some damn impressive handiwork. I suspect that it would be kind of weird to touch and play, however (and you are supposed to play these things, right?). That part didn't bother Weiss, though, who said, "If you're going to have a dragon guitar, I think you're going to need a tremolo. It seems like what Daenerys would play if she had time to play guitar."
I'll admit, I've never actually watched or read Game of Thrones, but from I've gleaned through pop culture, Daenarys would not give a shit about a whammy bar.
The Game of Thrones Sigil Collection: 3 Guitars Worthy of the Great Houses [Mike Duffy / Fender]
Look at These Dumb Game of Thrones' Guitars That Cost $25,000 [Josh Terry / Noisey]