Survivors share their experience, reflections on The National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women

Content warning: Some of the following stories, written by the women themselves, contain graphic descriptions of violence.

Thirty-one years ago, 14 women were murdered at Montreal's Ecole Polytechnique, simply because they were women.

Today, as they remember the victims of the anti-feminist attack on Dec. 6, 1989 - Genevieve Bergeron, Helene Colgan, Nathalie Croteau, Barbara Daigneault, Anne-Marie Edward, Maud Haviernick, Barbara Klucznik-Widajewicz, Maryse Laganiere, Maryse Leclair, Anne-Marie Lemay, Sonia Pelletier, Michele Richard, Annie St-Arneault and Annie Turcotte - many women are all too aware of the violence they and others face daily across Canada.

Even more poignant on this National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against

Women is that it falls in the midst of a pandemic that has left many women locked down at home, unable to escape their abusers.

From an Indigenous woman whose parents were murdered and who shared her story with the Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women Inquiry to a 15-year-old student reflecting on her own identity, we asked women across Canada to share their voices.

These are their stories, hopes, and reflections.

Angela MacDougall is the executive director of Battered Women's Support Services (BWSS) based in Vancouver

A year before the Polytechnique massacre, my dear friend from high school Patricia Ann MacPherson was raped and killed while on a date with a young man that we knew. My mother called me after hearing about her killing on the news relaying grimly that Trisha was located in the forest behind the hotel where she was killed.

At that time, I was living with my two-year-old daughter, Leona, in a tiny basement suite and I hung up the phone stunned with grief. Having just recently reconvened, our relationship had transformed toward a stronger authenticity as Trish and I each confided on the challenges of single-motherhood and the effects of the male violence we each had been experiencing since high school. For me, living around racist and misogynist violence for my entire life both in the streets and at home, the birth of my daughter put fire in my belly and the radical hope that I could work to help make the world a better place for her. The rape and murder of my dear friend, Trish, put rage in my heart that a friend could feel so entitled as a man to rape and kill you and dump you in the forest. These two events deepened the politicization of the trajectory of my life profoundly.

Now, years later, reflecting on the national day for remembrance and action, I stay committed to organizing at the intersections of one's social location within systems of power relationships and oppression. Joining with the BWSS team of volunteers, staff and board of directors, we are grounded in knowledge of how individual experiences are inextricably connected with the greater social and historical context, we stay committed to community-based organizing, front-line work and activism and deeply involved in global movements for social justice. So I rededicate today to transformative change while working to build transnational connections between grassroots intersectional feminist movements; and re-envisioning the global women's agenda as one that centres a diversity of grassroots intersectional feminist voices toward ending misogynist and racist violence.

Fallon Farinacci told her family's story at the Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls Inquiry. She is a proud Red River Manitoba Metis

How long do we have to wait for justice?

Today, on The National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence against Women, I call on our Government to put forward a National Action Plan and implement the 231 calls for justice enumerated in the final report of the MMIWG inquiry.

How long do Indigenous women of Turtle Island have to wait to be heard?

It's been 552 days since the families, victims, and survivors handed over the final report to the government, and, yet again, the cries for help from Indigenous women of this country are ignored.

The final report stated that Indigenous women are 16 times more likely to be killed or to disappear than Caucasian women. Indigenous women are 12 times more likely to be murdered or go missing than any other demographic group in Canada.

What our Government has failed to see is that we are more than statistics.

We are,

Mothers

Daughters

Sisters

Aunties

Grandmothers.

We deserve to have our cries for justice answered.

At the age of nine, I lost my mother (and father) to the hands of my mother's stalker while being held hostage in our home, waiting for the RCMP to come to save us. Help came six hours too late.

It's been 27 years, and no justice has been served for my family.

How can I look my daughter in the eyes and tell her that nothing has changed? How can I tell her she's growing up in a country that doesn't put her well-being first?

How many more tears have to fall?

How loud do our cries have to be, to be heard?

How many Indigenous women have to die at the hands of violence in this country?

How long until Indigenous women receive justice?

Barbara Sarpong is a dancer and advocate for sex workers. This is her piece, Knowing When to Walk Away"

The moment that I should have walked away may have been when they went through my phone after memorizing my password without my permission.

Maybe it was when they Googled me or when they showed up to my work, unexpectedly, clearly spying on me before I recognized them.

There were subtle signs of abusive tendencies.

The toxic humour.

The trust issues.

The way that they would often playfully" use force to gesture at me.

Maybe I should have sensed it immediately, but my partner made me feel loved during a very turbulent and chaotic period of my life. I had suffered a series of losses in my family and was extremely vulnerable to anything that allowed me to feel anything at all.

We had the type of relationship that made our friends cringe ironically with support. It was a big shock when they first put their hands on me. As their grip tightened around my neck, it seemed as if something possessed them in that moment, and for a split-second one had to wonder if there was any intention of letting go. We both locked eye-contact and cried. Themself, possibly because they were ashamed of what they had just done. Myself because I was scared, confused, and vociferously gagging as I attempted to catch my breath.

They swore that it would never happen again. When it happened not only a second, but third time as well, I was officially done. One of the take-aways of the situation that I find most fascinating is the general reaction of the public and their passive attitudes toward victims of abuse, especially if the abuser is a respected individual. This is something seen played out in society quite often with the victim themselves vilified and disbelieved. I did not have my abuser charged and I hope that this did not indirectly lead to someone else's pain.

There was always a cycle of behaviour. It started with the good times." The moments in our relationship where they could do no wrong. Then the tension builds over time. This was the moment when you sense that something is going to happen but try to prolong it from happening for as long as possible. This was illustrated with emotional abuse, insults, arguments and generally them using manipulation tactics as much as possible to make me feel like there were no other options if I were to walk away from the relationship. When tensions got to their worst point (emotionally or physically), the next phase in this vicious cycle would be the period of reconciliation where they apologize, yet simultaneously gaslight me into thinking that I was responsible for the abuse in the first place, and that any changes in my behaviour would have prevented our issues from occurring.

Love is blind they say but recognizing the subtle signs of abuse in a relationship is important. Unfortunately, many are unable to walk away from their abusive situations. Many will try to fix it," or work through it with or without counselling but sometimes the fix is not that simple. Knowing when to walk away can save one's life.

Najwa Zebian is a Lebanese-Canadian activist, author, speaker and educator. This is her poem, Stop Asking Her Why"

Stop asking her why

she didn't raise her voice sooner.

Maybe she never knew that

she had one in the first place.

Stop asking her why

she didn't speak to someone about it.

Maybe the only people she could talk to

are the ones who taught her

to swallow her screams ...

To craft an image of a woman

who can take it all and not say one word.

Maybe they're the ones

who taught her that a man

never has to ask if his hands can touch her

and that the words that leave his mouth

are always right.

Always okay.

Stop asking her where

the bruises on her body are.

Her soul is already bleeding.

And the wounds on her soul

tell stories that no punch or kick

could ever speak for.

Stop asking her why

she is afraid.

Maybe her voice is drowning in

shame, honour and reputation.

Before she showed you her beaten body

or beaten soul,

she had to see it first.

She had to live through it first.

She had to look herself in the mirror

and shed the layers of blame, ridicule and betrayal.

So don't blame her.

Don't ridicule her.

Don't betray her.

Don't minimize her story because of

what you think of the religion

she was born into

or the culture that she drank the poison of.

Maybe that culture told her

that it's her responsibility to protect herself

and to grow into a woman who learned

that she is less than men.

Stop asking her what she did to push someone.

Stop asking HER why

Someone chose to lay a hand on her body.

On her soul.

On her heart.

That is not a question for her to answer.

She needs to heal.

She needs to be believed.

She needs to be seen.

She needs to be heard.

So believe her.

See her.

Hear her.

Eva Simone is a Trans advocate, peer educator, community organizer and performing artist. More specifically, a Black, immigrant, Transgender-woman. Eva's advocacy primarily stems from her own intersections and lived experiences. This is her poem Inspiration?"

My pain becomes your porn

My trauma, your drama for consumption

Your reaction, the satisfaction

The emotional toll paid

The exchange, my well-being.

Inspiration"???

Sofia MacLellan is a 15-year-old student in Scarborough. She is passionate about speaking on why fighting injustices such as racism, homophobia and sexism is important

In commemoration of The National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women, I wanted to share my perspective of gender inequality.

My name is Sofia Mac, and I'm a 15-year-old girl.

Ever since I can remember, it's been clear to me that I will always be valued as less than a boy ... because I'm a girl.

The boys play in the main gym and I play in the back gym.

I'm called a girl, but they're called men.

I will only be valued as pretty if I'm a size 0, with flawless skin and wearing revealing clothes.

When boys make a sexual comment the line is Boys will be boys," but if I do, I should know better."

When I go to my dad's bike races, people talk right through me and ask my brother about riding and sports.

I try to ignore social media images and be confident with myself.

I try to feel capable at sports," even around my brother.

I try to not let these comments make me feel like I'm less.

But, it's so hard when the stereotypes are around me all the time. It's hard when there's no break. At the mall, on the TV, at school, the grocery store ...

I'm tired of people treating me as less ... because I'm a girl.

I'm tired of people seeing right through me and treating me like I'm invisible ... because I'm a girl.

I'm tired of people assuming I can't ... because I'm a girl.

Because right now ... I'm a girl, but someday ... I'll be a woman.

And is this going to be my reality for the rest of my life?

I didn't want to have to write a letter about gender inequality in my life, but it's so overwhelming and demoralizing that I felt I needed to.

And this is only the perspective from a straight white girl. I can't begin to imagine what someone with less privilege than me has to experience. Not only do they deal with gender inequality, but racism, homophobia and more.

The numbers don't lie:

In Canada, for every dollar a man makes, Indigenous and racialized women earn about 66 cents, women with a disability earn 54 cents, and women new to Canada earn 71 cents.

Stats from 2014 show that Indigenous women are 2.7 per cent more likely to experience a violent crime compared to non-Indigenous women. And 44 per cent of lesbian women experience physical violence compared to 26 per cent of gay men.

It's time we make a change!

Have you seen a 15-year-old girl's Instagram account lately? As I scroll through my Instagram feed, you can quickly see how society's unrealistic standards of beauty has infiltrated how young girls present themselves.

You did that to 15-year-old girls. You did that to me. I feel like I can't post a picture on Instagram, because my pictures are not sexualized enough.

In commemoration of the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women, I want people to question their actions and words.

For you, what might be a small offhand comment about gender, maybe a lifetime of comments to somebody else.

These comments start to become my reality.

These comments start to become my life.

I want you to question why you sexualize girls.

Why you say men" and girls."

Why you add the words ... for a girl" after a sentence.

I want you to question your habits, your words and actions, and the way you treat girls.

I'm asking you to stop using derogatory, gender-based, language like, slut, ho, and bitch.

I'm asking you to question gender-based stereotypes. Question: Why did you think that?

I'm asking you to change your words, actions and thoughts.

When I'm older I want to live in a world that believes in gender parity. And that's possible if we all start by questioning ourselves, our habits, language and actions.

I want a change, because I want to live in a world where I say I can ... because I'm a girl.'

Evelyn Kwong is a Star team editor based in Toronto. Follow her on Twitter: @evystadium