Tim Dowling: I know what I weigh. Our new scales are wildly out

I realise that the last time my fixed notion of what I weighed was affirmed by actual measurement was at a doctor's appointment five years ago

On my third pass through the kitchen in the morning, I see a recently delivered box sitting on the floor. I consider the possibility that it might be for me. The package is addressed to my wife, but there's still a slim chance I am the final intended recipient. I lift the box: it's heavy. For the moment, I can take the investigation no further - my wife is not at home.

At some point in the afternoon, I look out the window of my office shed towards the house and see my wife standing in the kitchen. I cross the garden. My wife does not look up when I enter - she is staring intently at her feet. The box is on the table between us, empty.