I’m having fantasies about men who look like my father | Dear Mariella

You need therapy to help you resolve this painful experience, says Mariella Frostrup. And keep away from internet pornography which can only be more damaging

The dilemma I'm a very happily married man and sex with my wife is loving and satisfying. Recently, however, through viewing porn on the internet, I have become increasingly drawn towards watching older men having sex. Occasionally, I dream of my deceased father and some of these dreams are sexual in nature. The men I find myself watching often remind me of my dad. He was successful and well liked, but was also physically and emotionally abusive to his children.

I don't ever recall feeling any true fatherly love, affection or security in my life from him. Often I wonder if I am now seeking out my father's love.