Grace Villa worker struggles with PTSD months after Hamilton’s worst COVID outbreak
For a while, long-term-care worker Tammy Reed didn't think she needed help.
The personal support worker (PSW) would break down during shifts at Grace Villa and hide in resident rooms as she bawled. At home, she'd cry while doing dishes.
But the final straw came when one night in January, Reed was shaken awake by her sobbing kids.
They said, Mom, you've been screaming in your sleep and we haven't been able to wake you up,'" Reed said. I thought, I'm not doing this to my kids anymore. I need help."
She went on sick leave soon after that. In the months since, Reed was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. She hasn't returned to work, and doesn't know when she'll be ready.
It's been more than five months since Grace Villa's major outbreak was declared over. From Nov. 25 to Jan. 19, COVID-19 wreaked havoc on the home, resulting in 234 cases by the outbreak's end. Forty-four residents died. It was Hamilton's worst COVID-19 outbreak to date, both in the number of infections and deaths.
But even though COVID is no longer inside the facility, things are far from normal. Months after the outbreak, some workers called Reed on their breaks sobbing in a bathroom saying, I don't know if I can do this,'" she said.
Other staff are on leave. Some, like nurse Lisa Scott, have resigned.
Reed insists she doesn't blame Grace Villa for what happened, but she says it should never happen again. She wants people to know why staff are struggling, and for the home and the government to learn from the tragedy.
Grace Villa's operator maintains staffing and resident care were always their priority and the home did what it could to support that.
The most trying thing I've ever gone through'
When the outbreak was declared, Reed volunteered to work on the home's third floor, where the first COVID cases were discovered. Her kids went to live with their dad.
Reed knew the home needed staff upstairs and thought it was the right thing to do, even though she knew once she got up there, she wouldn't be able to go back. Anyone who worked on that floor was restricted to working there to prevent spread, workers say.
Her 99-year-old aunt, a resident on the first floor, wasn't happy about it.
She said, Why are you doing that?'" Reed said. I said, To keep you safe.'"
But COVID had other plans.
Like dominoes, residents and staff fell sick one by one. Within two weeks, most of the floor was infected, Reed said. Staff dwindled while resident needs grew.
Reed was in survivor mode," pushed to the limits trying to care for sick residents.
She worked 14-hour shifts. She had no time to process what was happening.
It was probably the most trying thing I've ever gone through in my life," she said. Third-floor staff were a very small group trying to keep each other going." Activity staff were doing care and even helped prepare bodies when residents died.
Then, her aunt got COVID.
Need for an organized, systematic approach'
Grace Villa's operator said the home did what it could to support staff and residents during this time.
With any issue or episode that has a dramatic impact on our staff, we got staff in as quickly as we could," said Mary Raithby, CEO of APANS Health Services. Staffing and resident care was our priority."
I understand that some staff felt it wasn't quick enough. We moved as quickly as we could," she added.
In terms of staff being able to access supports for mental health, Raithby said we understand that the system is overwhelmed."
In early June, she said APANS was working with unions and staff and was open" to other ways they could help support workers, but declined to share details, saying she didn't want to discuss individual cases.
About 51 per cent of nurses who worked in a long-term-care home with an outbreak reported symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder in a January survey by the Ontario Nurses' Association. That number rose to almost 61 per cent for workers who were in homes with a large outbreak.
The Long-Term Care Commission report in April said home licensees should cover counselling services for residents and staff who were in long-term care during the pandemic.
The mental-health impacts of the pandemic on Grace Villa workers inspired Hamilton Mountain MPP Monique Taylor to table a private member's bill at Queen's Park that would provide essential workers easier access to mental-health benefits through the Workplace Safety and Insurance Board (WSIB). It was struck down in April.
There needs to be an organized, systematic approach to provide people with the support that they need," said Natalie Mehra of the Ontario Health Coalition.
We don't need any more PR nonsense from the province. We need actual action."
Saying goodbye
When her aunt got sick, Reed was still working on the third floor.
Her aunt was a nurse for years at the Hamilton General Hospital, previously ran Planned Parenthood in Hamilton, and was president of Grace Villa's residents' council for 10 years.
Here's a woman who had such a huge influence on my life," Reed said. I knew she was sick and I couldn't go down to her."
But when the outbreak spread throughout the home, Reed got permission to see her.
At the end of her shift on Dec. 12, Reed went down to her room. It'd be the last time she'd see her alive.
Reed removed her glove to hold her aunt.
I remember just sitting there holding her hand and thinking, I'm not having this last touch with her through a glove.'"
Her aunt died overnight. Reed didn't know it at the time, but she'd already been infected, too.
Mental health struggles
Reed got tested for COVID the day after her aunt died. She went into isolation and started to feel symptoms. A few days later, her results came back positive.
After a few weeks recovering, Reed returned to work in January.
She couldn't keep herself together. She'd see the empty rooms in the home and remember the tragedy.
When Grace Villa organized a memorial for staff after the outbreak, Reed had a panic attack.
Her heart was pounding, she started sweating and worried she would either vomit or pass out.
I absolutely broke down sobbing in a way that I couldn't breathe," she said, noting a social worker came to talk her through it. I just hit a wall and people saw that and it's embarrassing."
Ameil Joseph, an associate professor in social work at McMaster University, said a lot of people who are struggling in the pandemic may not be reaching out for help.
The difficulties of this pandemic and its impacts were widespread and a lot of people are suffering, and a lot of people need support and care," he said.
Recently, Joseph helped launched a website for free resources on grief and loss in the pandemic. A Way Through" (a-way-through.mcmaster.ca/) has hundreds of articles to help yourself and others, and also has opportunities for people to contribute their own stories.
Getting help
After the night Reed was shaken awake by her kids, she decided it was enough.
She was already seeing a doctor, but realized she couldn't keep working. She took time off and got help through WSIB. They cover her wages, counselling and medication.
By March, Reed felt well enough to go public about her PTSD diagnosis. After that, she heard from others who told her they were struggling, too. In the last month, she's had fewer people calling her from work crying. She said some of them have started to get help of their own.
Reed still doesn't sleep at night. But she's learning to find ways to cope, and to forgive herself for what she couldn't do.
She feels guilty about promising her aunt that she was going upstairs to keep her safe. But she knows her aunt wouldn't blame her.
She was a nurse," Reed said. She would've done the same thing."
Maria Iqbal is a Hamilton-based reporter at The Spectator covering aging issues. Reach her via email: miqbal@thespec.com.