My abusive ex-husband is about to visit and I don’t feel safe | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

Disengage from this visit, says Annalisa Barbieri. Explain to your children that you don't want to see your ex

Next month my ex-husband is coming over from abroad to meet our son's new baby. The whole family is viewing the prospect with alarm. He left when our son was one and our daughter four, and subjected me to all kinds of physical, verbal, financial and emotional abuse.

Last time he came, he expected to be ferried about and have meals and laundry provided, and claimed to be unable to pay for anything - he is in his 60s and behaves like a spoiled teenager. My son lives in a small house and is considering paying for his dad to stay in a hotel. My daughter has no space and lives a distance away. Although my ex claims to have stopped, he smokes heavily, including cannabis, and my daughter has said she doesn't want him doing this around her young child.