Baby it’s you: my fight to overcome infertility

After years of trying, Martha Hayes chose to have a child using an egg donor. It raised many painful questions. But when Maggie finally arrived it turned out she'd brought all her love with her

It's 7pm on a weeknight when my husband Chris and I open our laptops, pour two glasses of wine and start browsing through profiles of women in their 20s. Attractive, interesting, available women. It's the spring of 2020, we've been living in Los Angeles for a year (having relocated from London for work) and a couple of times a week, this has become our little routine.

I get a good feeling about a pretty blonde yoga teacher, then worry that she's only 5ft tall. I love the idea of someone who works for Nasa, but I'm put off by her distinctive nose. I am swayed by a sense of humour and spirit for adventure; snobby about hobbies, fussy about ailments and firmly rule out anyone who resembles a party-goer on spring break. It's an uncomfortable, confronting process. Am I really this superficial or judgmental?

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