My first intimate partner publicly shamed me. Now sex makes me freeze

I lost my virginity to someone whose sexual needs far exceeded mine. Years later, I still hunger for a trusting relationship, but am haunted by the pain of that initial experience

I am a man in my 30s and have recently admitted to myself that I cannot form an intimate sexual relationship. I am not, and never have been, interested in sex for its own sake; I want trust and intimacy even more than sex, although I hunger for both together.

I have been close with potential partners many times, but each time I get to the point where the other person wants to progress to sex, I freeze and cannot carry on, until one of us breaks it off. I then hate myself for not following through yet again.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

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