I Want to Eat This 850-Pound Weed Brownie

As the holidays approach and the prospect of taking a long rest becomes real, I find myself wanting to completely dissociate. The past two years have been a cruel and relentless slog. It feels both like too much has happened and like nothing at all has happened. I just want to sleep for a long time and completely reset my brain. Thank god then, that MariMed has baked an 850-pound weed brownie. It may be the only thing to sate my longing for torpor.

The brownie is 3 feet long, 3 feet tall, and 15 inches wide. According to a press release, it's infused with 20,000 mg of THC. According to MariMed, it's the largest cannabis-infused brownie ever baked. The multistate marijuana company baked the monster brownie to commemorate the launch of Bubby's Baked, its new line of cannabis infused baked goods. It has unveiled the monstrosity on Dec. 8 because that's National Brownie Day.

Inspired by the original cannabis-infused, homemade brownie, every delicious, soft, and chewy Bubby's bite is made from scratch in small batches, and infused with precision-dosed, full-spectrum cannabis," the press release said. They're perfect for sharing high times with friends this holiday season."

Bubby's bites contain only 5mg of THC, not the startling 20,000mg of the massive brownie. I don't want 5mg of THC, that won't get me where I want. The last time I had a marijuana brownie was Christmas Eve 2011. A roommate brought one back from the restaurant where she worked. I ate the whole thing, not knowing a proper dose would be one-eighth of the brownie. Hours after ingestion, I lay on my bed exploring space and time with my cats huddled close, my spirit guides.

That's where I want to be again. I believe the 850-pound weed brownie could get me there.