Negotiating higher salaries a must for women to close gender wage gap

It took Brittany Tilstra a few tries before she successfully negotiated a salary raise with her first employer, Hello Fresh, but when she succeeded, it was a whopper: $28,000.

It was stressful," said Tilstra, 29, who currently works as a growth marketer for Sega Mini in Toronto. I always wanted to be a tough, unapologetic woman, but it's not my personality. However, I'd put in a lot of sweat equity with my previous company and I wanted to see that rewarded. I was anxious, but I also wanted that validation from my employer."

Negotiating raises or promotions isn't always easy for women, due to the way they're raised, says Kelly Keehn, a financial educator who emphasizes the importance of learning how to negotiate in her newest book, Rich Girl, Broke Girl," published in Canada by Simon & Schuster.

If a woman doesn't negotiate her first and subsequent salaries, she's at risk of leaving $1 million on the table during her working lifetime," Keehn said. But we're trained not to rock the boat or push back; it's ingrained in us.

This is changing for women, but it's still in our DNA and change takes time."

She encourages women to practise by negotiating for smaller stakes, building their negotiating muscles by asking for a better rate for their cellphone plan or for a discount on a purchase, even if the sale technically ended yesterday. Keehn agrees that it can be scary to ask for more money, but that even if the boss turns down your request, it becomes clear you have an interest in growing.

If someone says no' to a man, he doesn't hang his head; he says, Fine. When will it be a yes?' Don't take it as a personal rejection. It's not about you; sometimes, a yes just isn't possible at the time."

Alison Venditti, a Toronto human resources HR professional and coach who runs the Moms at Work Facebook group, is even more emphatic, citing Canada's pay equity gap. The Canadian Human Rights Commission states: The gender wage gap is a persistent problem: in 2020, a woman in Canada earned 89 cents for every dollar a man earned. That is equivalent to a $3.52 hourly wage gap rate (or 11 per cent) between men and women.

Women assume this is their fault and it becomes internalized," said Venditti, who believes the actual gap is closer to 15 per cent. For every new job, tack 15 per cent onto your salary request."

Negotiating can seem like a no-win situation because, if we ask for a raise, we're too bitchy; if we don't, we're too meek. However, during COVID, when there are millions of job openings, now is the time to plant your feet on the ground. Remember: by the time you've gone to three interviews and the lawyer has drawn up an agreement, the company is not going to walk away if you request $10,000 more. And once you're in the door, you're valuable; onboarding is expensive."

She suggests that when women ask for a raise, they simply state the request and not provide endless explanations.

Women have a constant need to explain their value, and it turns into verbal diarrhea. They don't have to explain themselves; I tell them, Put away that PowerPoint presentation. Come into the room, ask for the raise and stop talking. It will make them nervous.' "

From an HR perspective, Venditti knows there is usually a salary range authorized, so there's nothing to fear. Tilstra agrees, noting, If the salary band is constricting, you have the flexibility to negotiate extras, such as moving expenses or benefits," she said. Those, too, can really add up."

Tilstra's experience bears out the value of learning to negotiate. She was one of the first five employees hired by Hello Fresh, but she didn't push for a higher salary when she accepted the offer and regretted it soon afterward.

I was earning $35,000 and that isn't sustainable when you're living in Toronto," Tilstra said. About three months in, I began pushing for a raise, but failed because I didn't know how to have those conversations."

She eventually received some incremental raises, but nothing comparable to her growth in expertise and value to the company. She had a number of people reporting to her and was a repository of corporate information in a company that had constant turnover. So, she persisted in her quest for appropriate compensation.

Tilstra checked with colleagues and peers to see what their salaries were; she calculated the impact of her work in dollars; and she learned about which cards to hold close to my chest" during a negotiating seminar she attended. When the time came, she was prepared and even had another job offer on the table as a final card to play.

I was shocked that I was able to get it (the $28,000 raise), but they when they came back with the offer, I realized I could have asked for more."

As the oldest of four sisters, she believes it's important to be a role model for the others and share the lessons she's learned.

We talk a lot about work and money," she said. It's women helping women."

Negotiating Tips for Women:

• Don't blindside your employer; prepare the ground for a salary discussion.

• Keep track of all your wins; if you can tie them directly to revenues, even better.

• Keep your manager accountable for promises to discuss money; put your requests in writing and summarize the conversation afterward in an email; it's a paper trail, i.e., documentation.

• Do market research and be realistic; see what others in comparable jobs are making by checking with colleagues, LinkedIn or co-workers.

• Practise negotiations and get advice on tactics from both men and women.

• When you've hit a brick wall, don't be afraid to make a move; changing companies offers another opportunity to ask for more money.

Sources: Kelley Keehn, Brittany Tilstra

Elaine Smith is a Toronto-based writer and a freelance contributor for the Star. Reach her via email: ersmithwriter@gmail.com