Want to save the 2022 Oscars? How about a firehose of rice pudding?

I've seen the menu for the Oscars afterparty and it does not look promising. Will someone please get these poor actors some carbs?

This is a perilous time for the Oscars. Last year's ceremony - held in a train station, don't forget - was watched by just a tiny dribble of viewers. This year, the lack of a televised Golden Globes has hobbled awards season, and anticipation is at an all-time low. The Academy's plan to lure viewers by handing out a bunch of awards off-screen has been widely criticised by the film-making community. Simply put, things are getting desperate.

But we've all thrown parties without knowing whether anyone will actually turn up, and the Oscars are currently doing the most sensible thing possible: they're focusing on the catering.