Merzlikins reflects on emotional year grieving Kivlenieks' death

Columbus Blue Jackets goaltender Elvis Merzlikins opened up about his struggles this past year while he was grieving the death of his late teammate and friend Matiss Kivlenieks.

Kivlenieks died July 4, 2021, due to an accident involving fireworks at the house of Blue Jackets goaltending coach Manny Legace. Merzlikins was also there at the time of the incident.

"The before Christmas period, I wasn't here. I wasn't here mentally because I felt that Christmas was coming closer and Matiss was always with us on Christmas and the New Year," Merzlikins said Saturday, according to the Columbus Dispatch's Bailey Johnson. "Then I heard the fireworks. I remember we played on (Jan. 1) and I asked (Brad Larsen). I couldn't even talk. I knew in my head that I couldn't play that game because there (were) gonna be fireworks, and if I heard them, it's gonna be a problem.

"I remember I walked to Manny and just started crying. I couldn't even express myself."

Merzlikins said last year, just over a week after the accident, that Kivlenieks "died a hero" and that he sacrificed his life to save others.

The pair of goalies, who both hailed from Latvia, formed a tight bond. Kivlenieks lived in Merzlikins' guest room at his house.

"I'm gonna be honest, there (were) a couple of games I was just going out there and I didn't care because I wasn't there," Merzlikins said, per Johnson. "I was playing hockey. The guys are coming on me and I'm thinking, 'Gosh, last year he was here with me. This year, there's gonna be an empty seat at my table.' It was hard."

Merzlikins also admitted he was triggered early on in the season by the cannon blast the Blue Jackets use to celebrate goals. However, he said he's since been able to move past that particular struggle.

"When I heard the cannon, my heart - I felt my heart. I never heard in my life my heart beating that alive," he said. "That was a really weird feeling, what I had. I'm gonna be honest, the next three or four games when I heard the cannon, even when we scored goals, I was always closing my eyes and getting myself ready.

"I think that's just the trauma, but it went away. Obviously, now, when I hear the cannon, I'm happy."

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