My knees creak, my eyes are failing, my memory’s shot, everyone ignores me … I love being 57 | Nancy Jo Sales

Why are older people often so irritable? How long have you got?

The world is on fire, literally and figuratively, but to young people who think that their lives are terrible because of the time we are living in, I say: well, at least you are not old. At 57, I defer to Cher, who said pithily of ageing: I think it sucks."

I know there are people out there - blessed with age-defying genetics or the foresight not to have got hammered on a regular basis - who show few signs of deterioration (there must be a picture in an attic somewhere of Jennifer Lopez with grey hair), but for most humans ageing is inexorable. And annoying, at best.