Why are the younger Trumps so awful? Did you hear the speeches at Ivana’s funeral? | Arwa Mahdawi

Lies, emasculation, beatings with a wooden spoon: Donald Jr and Ivanka's childhood memories were hardly fond or heartwarming

They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They beat you with a wooden spoon and snidely emasculate you, too.

If you read the New York Times's coverage of Ivana Trump's funeral last week, you will know exactly to whom that snippet of revised Philip Larkin refers. It is hard to feel sorry for extremely awful, obscenely rich people - particularly in the middle of a cost of living crisis - but I found myself feeling weirdly sad for the Trumps this weekend, after reading about Ivana's opulent but miserable send-off. Donald Trump's first wife, who was found dead at the bottom of her stairs this month, had a gold-hued coffin (of course), but the speeches were the real centrepiece. Her kids and a former nanny all gave eulogies that were bizarre and tragic in equal measure.