I’m going through hell for the sake of art. Tolstoy or Henry James could learn a thing or two

There's nothing like recording an audiobook to make you question every word you write. The classics would definitely take a trim

My head hurts, my throat hurts, my backside hurts. I can't think, read or speak. I've been recording my audiobook, you see. It has been murder. If it is as painful to listen to as it has been to record, I will be sending out refunds.

The people who do these things well deserve the highest praise. Baftas ought to be awarded. I particularly revere Michael Jayston for his work reading Le Carre. I could listen to Jayston - who was in the seminal TV adaptation of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy alongside Sir Alec Guinness - read anything by Le Carre. In fact, I'd happily listen to Michael Jayston read anything: iTunes' terms and conditions, last year's racing results, my itemised phone bill - he's that good.