Paul Berton: If you can’t talk about it, is it really shopping? New book explores the language of consumerism

Consumerism and profligacy come under fire in Shopomania: How to talk about our Possession Obsession." Author Paul Berton, editor-in-chief of the Hamilton Spectator, coins a series of shoponyms" to guide us through a consumer culture that has grown exponentially over the last decades. This excerpt is from the chapter Convershopping: Conversations About Shopping."

Listen carefully: What do you hear? At dinner parties, at art shows, at the watercooler, at the ballpark? In the halls of justice and the houses of government? On factory floors and in office elevators?

Is it talk about politics or religion or philosophy? No.

The environment or internet privacy? No.

Workplace safety? Career advancement? No and no.

It's talk about shopping - convershopping. No gathering is complete without it. No get-together exists where it does not rear its friendly head. In fact, unless you mingle socially with egghead professors, nerdy scientists or boring politicians, it dominates all get-togethers that are not already consumed by sporting events.

Sooner or later, usually sooner, any discussion invariably turns into convershopping. Cars, cameras, phones, electronic gadgets, clothing, kitchen faucets, countertop appliances, designer vodka, bottled water and gear - it's all part of the never-ending conversation about consumables.

YOU: Hey, got the new one, huh?"

THEM: Yeah, it's the C series. Unbelievable."

YOU: Oh, I thought it was the D series. They're smaller, but with a bigger microprocessor, and the colours are more vibrant."

THEM: D Series? That's impossible. I just got this Tuesday."

YOU: Sorry. I read about them yesterday in the Times. C series won't run the new software. Guess that one's obsolete."

Convershopping is heard during almost every TV morning show. It occurs frenetically in limitless and scandalously successful game shows such as The Price is Right" and Let's Make a Deal," and often on the evening news. Convershopping dominates the discussion on reality TV, and on programs such as Antiques Roadshow," where experts and owners discuss the stories behind items and art while viewers wait patiently for the estimated value of each to be revealed. Convershopping is an entire social media genre dominated by influencers.

Convershopping is a certainty at family gatherings and community meetings, at cocktail parties and dinner soirees, at conventions and business conferences, weddings and anniversaries, joyful baby showers and sombre funerals.

Shopping without convershopping is like pizza without beer, a cottage without a view. If we can't tell people what we bought, what is the point? Sure, it is fun to buy stuff, but half the fun is telling people we bought it, often what we paid, and frequently what kind of a bargain we achieved.

Isn't it why we wear expensive cufflinks or rings - so people will ask us about them, and we can both engage in convershopping? Isn't that why we drive an outrageously expensive car? The bigger and better and more impressive, the more convershopping it generates. We cannot really enjoy the thing by ourselves. We must boast about it, talk about it, expound upon it to others to really appreciate it. They must in turn say ooh" and aah" and then promptly share our shopping stories with others and their shopping stories with you.

Perhaps that is why former Canadian newspaper mogul and convicted felon Conrad Black felt the need to share information about his home with an interviewer in 2011, while he was still in jail for fraud: It is a commodious property," he said of his family pile in Toronto. It is very quiet. I have two libraries, both two storeys in height. Twenty-five thousand books. I have an indoor pool, and a consecrated chapel - consecrated by cardinals when I was two years old. It is temperature-controlled, with all modern communications set up."

And then, after all that, the great man adds this: I have 12 cars there." The 12 cars" comment is rather gauche in the context of the 25,000 books and the consecrated chapel, but one supposes there are indeed enough of them to warrant some kind of mention, even if it's just a vulgar afterthought.

The media has always been an obsequious partner in convershopping, especially when it involves the rich and famous. Architectural magazines, home and decor publications, People and others have always taken glee in celebrating supershoppers.

In the 1980s, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous," a show famously hosted by loud-mouthed sycophant Robin Leach, gave birth (or at least new life) to an entire television genre that memorialized ultrashopping. It was mimicked by MTV Cribs" in the new millennium, wherein famous owners showed off over-the-top designs and garish decors in their homes, some of which, it turned out later, were not their homes at all (see shopaganda and contrashop).

Today, celebrities don't need the help of adoring journalists or television producers. They are happy to share snapshots of their beautiful lives with fans on social media, sometimes with mixed results.

When famous unshopper Ellen DeGeneres and dancing diva Jennifer Lopez, for example, shared videos from mansions during the 2020 pandemic, some of the responses were less than kind. DeGeneres likened being confined to her mansion to being in jail," an assertion that sparked criticisms on social media that she was tone deaf" and insensitive." Lopez posted a video from the mansion of cheating ballplayer Alex Rodriguez saying we can't go out to any restaurants or anything but the service and entertainment here is pretty good #staysafe," which generated comparisons to the film Parasite," about a rich family seemingly oblivious to the woes of their poor servants.

And billionaire ultrashopper David Geffen sparked outrage when he tweeted a photograph of his superyacht in the Caribbean in March: Sunset last night ... Isolated in the Grenadines avoiding the virus. I hope everybody is staying safe."

Clearly, rampant convershopping can be frowned upon, depending on whom you are speaking to and where you reside. Showboating, celebrating and talking about what you own is easier in America than in Europe, according to the millionaire German brothel owner and tax cheat Marcus Prinz von Anhalt.

In an interview with a Der Spiegel reporter, Prinz von Anhalt, who owned homes around the world, announced he would soon be departing for America. I'm flying to Los Angeles on October 3rd," he said. And then he added, unbidden: There are two new Rolls-Royces waiting. A convertible and a limousine, both white. Before I had a silver, but now I think white is better. That's not possible in Germany, in the envious society. Someone like me who likes to show what he has doesn't fit in Germany."

Years later, Prinz von Anhalt was still inexplicably convershopping about his cars (and - again - still somehow oddly obsessed with their colour) in a YouTube video featuring his mansion and crowded garage in Dubai, a place where such outlandish chatter may be appreciated even more than in America: It's a pink Bentley, a Mansory," he said, dropping the name of a German aftermarket company that makes luxury automobiles look even more luxurious than they were when they rolled off the assembly line.

It's not wrapped. It's real colour, painted pink. It was Paris Hilton's car before and now it's my daughter's car. Even inside everything is pink. When she was five years old she said, Daddy, I need a pink car because when Momma drives me to school I need to go in a pink car.' "

Moving on to his own personal vehicles, he waxes aesthetic for the camera: Rolls-Royce Ghost. Also Mansory. Also not wrapped. It's painted in white with a little pearl effect. But this is a car I use with my driver. This is all white, white, white. I love white in a car. White and black, black and white." And moving on again to the next vehicle: This is my Drophead (Rolls-Royce) also white, white, white, specially built for me."

Some old-monied folks would never dream of indulging in convershopping like that. They'd never mention their cars, but the helicopter might find its way into a conversation if it had not already made itself known by landing calamitously on the sprawling front lawn. And the wine collection? Sure, a few words perhaps, if you insist. We all have our limits, of course.

Some won't acknowledge a car collection, but Conrad Black will. Some won't talk about jewelry, but Elizabeth Big girls need big diamonds" Taylor never hesitated: The jewels were sumptuous, undulating the red colour over the blue water like a painting. I screamed for joy ..." She thought so highly of her jewelry collection (as did many others), she wrote a book about it.

You may not be capable of using such language to describe a new iPhone, say, but someone probably is. Today, young people have embraced convershopping with an enthusiasm that exceeds even earlier generations, write Kit Yarrow and Jayne O'Donnell in their book, Gen BuY." Shopping and the conversations around it help people understand each other in a universal language, they argue. Let's face it, a lack of any potential convershopping is another reason why buying underwear at Walmart is no fun. Nobody wants to talk about it.

Excerpt from Shopomania: How to Talk About Our Possession Obsession," by Paul Berton(C), 2022. Published by Douglas & McIntyre LTD. Reprinted with permission of the publisher.