From the $28,500 sex chair to the $3,900 minibar snacks, Goop’s gift guide just keeps on giving

It's all too easy to make fun of Gwyneth Paltrow's wellness' empire. But what the hell: I'm going in

I'm conscious that the Goop holiday gift guide - and particularly the notorious Ridiculous but Awesome" section - has become so knowing, so tongue-in-cheek, that to parse it is to play into Gwyneth Paltrow's gold-painted hands. The whole thing is plainly workshopped to death at Goop's oatmeal leather and blond wood Santa Monica headquarters to create the precision-tooled blend of outrage and aspiration that gets GP column inches. Despite that, moth to the open flame of a Dome Outdoor Oven ($2,149), I cannot resist.

Capitulating to the Goop master plan has consolations. There are some vintage picks: the $28,500 perv ottoman (sorry, tufted boudoir chaise" with stirrups and restraints) and the 15,900 preppers' bunker (for those who lead modern, self-providing lives") catch my eye, inevitably. So does the fetishy $239 beribboned baguette bag for carrying your Tesco French stick (or, indeed, the $210 lamp made from a real baguette from the 2020 gift guide). Then $3,900 of seemingly Goop-inspired minibar snacks (pistachio milk, seeded honey and sea moss), to accompany" the $299 joint rolling machine is pleasingly on-brand.

Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist