Sometimes I just want to share rude stories with a large number of people – and that's why I am not leaving Twitter | Zoe Williams

Users are quitting in their droves after Elon Musk's purchase. But where else would I go to babble on?

When we were young, my sister was going out with someone called Will Lee and I was going out with someone called Jon Thomas and people were like: Why don't you two just admit that you don't have boyfriends, rather than put us through this farce?" And we were all: No, no, these are real people. There genuinely are parents in the world who think nothing of calling their sons slang names for penis." Yeah, right," everyone said, and we replied: Hello? Dick much?", and they said: Dick Much? Is that your other boyfriend'?"

Anyway, I split up with Jon Thomas (lol, no, we were never really going out, he was somewhat out of my league), while my sister stayed with Will Lee and now no one ever laughs at his name. About 15 years in, we just got tired.

Zoe Williams is a Guardian columnist