Child-centred parenting may be in vogue – but does it work when your child kicks off? | Emma Brockes

The concept of less shouting and more validation sounds delightful until a minute before we have to leave for school

A consequence of socialising with family and friend groups at Christmas is the front-row seat we all get to other people's parenting, or the ew, is that how you're going to do it?" subcategory of entertainment. This year, judgment is likely to fall on where you stand in relation to the most popular new school of parenting.

It's called gentle parenting" or child-centred parenting" or, sometimes, child-led parenting", and in outline it doesn't sound bad. Where I live in New York, it's the dominant approach among parents of young children, where the air is busy with identifiable phrases. You seem to be frustrated, why is that?" says a mother to her toddler, as he screams and refuses to leave the playground. Or I hear that you're hurting right now", delivered to a bellowing child who just kicked another child's shin. The harshest line you'll hear in this vein is a softly intoned: That's not OK."

Emma Brockes is a Guardian columnist based in New York