How do you put a new lover to the test? See how they react when your dog bites your mother | Zoe Williams

Pets have been known to tip the balance in many a promising relationship. Mine did its best with a scene straight out of Hammer Horror

Two-thirds of people would dump a partner or forgo a second date if their dog or cat didn't like the person, according to a poll by Pets at Home.

Single people are dumb, unless they secretly love being single, in which case they are smart, because this is a terrible test. A dog who is used to being the apple of your eye can easily take against a rival, for no better reason than they seem suitable. And you should never outsource this kind of judgment call to a cat. Cats don't like anyone.