I thought I was too smart to get scammed. I was wrong

Hey mom my phone fell in the toilet," the text read.

It's not the first time something like this has happened. My daughter has lost her phone before. Another time the screen broke when she dropped it.

It happens. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Can you text me on 226-781-7926 now please? It's the cashier's phone number at the store since I had to get a new SIM card."

I text her on the new number as she requests and commiserate about her destroyed phone.

The next text puts me on alert.

The phone is the last of my worries right now. I'm so stressed out. I'm hoping you might be able to help me."

What's going on?"

She sends a long somewhat complicated text about a bill she urgently has to pay but when she tries to e-transfer the money from her account, the bank is sending the security code to her old number. The bank said I can pair my new number if I go into the branch but there will be a security hold on my account for 48 hours."

I'm rushing to a meeting as I read this. I'm distracted and the details are making my head spin.

Could you do the e-transfer to the person for me, and I'll pay you back when my new number is paired?"

Sure," I type. Who is the payment to and how much?"

It's to Cody Kydd. Cody_kydd@hotmail.com. $1,800."

Whoa. $1,800? That's a lot of money. What's this for?"

I know, I hate to even ask. It's money I had to borrow when I was having problems with my banking."

Neither of my adult daughters has ever asked me to send them money before, but it makes sense that perhaps my youngest, a 23-year-old freelance filmmaker who gets steady gigs but who, like any freelancer, has the occasional dry spell, might be going through one now.

The amount of money concerns me and I jump to a frightening assumption. Oh honey, this isn't a loan shark is it? Are you being threatened?"

No! Not at all. Please don't overthink this, mom."

That sounds exactly like her. She knows I have a tendency to over worry when it comes to her and her older sister.

Please tell me what this is for. I want to make sure this is legit. Why did you borrow so much?"

The response: I just needed to borrow some money off a friend and was getting around to paying it now and then this happened with my phone."

You're sure this person a friend? Are you OK?"

Yeah, it's just that they have their own bills due today and they need the money. Please don't panic. I'll go to the bank tomorrow and deal with it and send you the money then."

I transfer the $1,800, tell her that I hope everything is OK and that I love her.

Love you, too."

Those are the final words I exchange with what turns out to be a stranger.

The next day when I see my daughter in person and ask about the phone situation, my heart sinks when she says, What are you talking about?"

I thought I was too smart for this. I regularly delete bogus texts from the CRA and suspicious notices from utility companies promising refunds. I know a woman who got caught up in a romance scam and sent money to a sweet-talking, lowdown Lothario whom she never met and never heard from again after the dough was transferred. (I wondered at the time how she could be so naive enough as to send money to a complete stranger.)

I should have known better. Just a few weeks earlier, my ex, Jeff Mahoney, a columnist for this paper who gave me permission to share his story, was almost scammed out of thousands by someone posing as an Amazon employee who told him he had a $9.99 refund coming to him. (Jeff had just cancelled his Amazon Prime account the week before.) The scammer talked Jeff into giving him access to his computer and bank account, said he mistakenly transferred $9,999 instead of $9.99 and needed Jeff to refund the difference or he'd get fired. Jeff felt bad for the guy and almost fell for it, but good sense prevailed. He hung up, called the bank and didn't lose any money.

I felt really stupid, and it also made me angry," says Jeff. For a while it made me want to go into the world and just glare at people for being so dishonest. That feeling didn't last long. I know most people are good."

One wants to think so, but the exploding number of nefarious schemes - job scams, vacation scams, romance scams, emergency scams, tech support scams, home improvement scams and even refund and recovery scams (where you are promised help to get back the money you lost to a scammer) - is enough to test your faith in humanity.

Forty-three per cent of adult Canadians have been victimized by scams, according to a Ipsos survey released earlier this year. The Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre (CAFC) reports $530 million in victim losses in 2022, up 40 per cent from the year before.

Victims, especially older ones, often lose their confidence and stop trusting people, after they've been scammed. They may become isolated and depressed.

That's what happened to my friend Carol's 80-year-old mother who was scammed out of $8,000 after someone who sounded just like her grandson called her to say he'd been in a car accident that resulted in someone being put in hospital and he needed the money to pay a lawyer. He said he was afraid of going to jail and didn't want his parents to know what had happened. Carol's mother didn't hesitate. She immediately went to the bank and half an hour later handed over the money to a man who arrived outside her condo.

When she called her grandson to say the money had been delivered, he, of course, didn't know what she was talking about.

Carol (who says her mother is too embarrassed for either of them to use their last name) is angry. The banks should be asking more questions when someone takes out that amount of cash," she says. She's angry that the police said they couldn't do anything. And she admits to being frustrated with her mother. I hate to say it and I feel guilty for feeling this way because I know she engaged in this out of the goodness of her heart, but she didn't think this through."

She's witnessed a rapid decline in her mother's wellbeing in the weeks since.

Her mom worries she might break get broken into, since the scammers know where she lives, or that she might be robbed if she goes to the bank. She doesn't want to answer her phone because the scammers kept calling her. This has brought her down," says Carol. I'm afraid it's done permanent damage."

It's not just older folks who are getting scammed. In fact, more young people are victims than seniors, due to their more frequent activity with online shopping and banking. Sixty-three per cent of 18 to 34 year olds have been a victim of a scam, according a report from the Chartered Professional Accountants of Canada.

If you're an older person, don't feel bad if you fall prey to these online parasites. Tell anyone who will listen about what happened, so they don't get taken in like you did. Report it - to your bank, the local police and to the CAFC. Be suspicious of any call that demands money or immediate action, never offer any personal information, get confirmation from another family member about anyone who is supposedly in trouble and don't be afraid to just hang up.

If you think you're too smart to get scammed, think again. Studies show educated people are frequently the target of scams precisely because they think they don't fit the profile of a typical victim.

Many scams depend on the psychological technique of people making bad decisions when an emotion becomes so strong that the higher-reasoning parts of the brain shut down.

That's what happened to me. My concern for my daughter trumped any rational thinking.

She and I have a code word now - just like she did when she was in grade school and I taught her about stranger danger - in case anything like this ever happens again.

Anne Bokma is a journalist, author and writing coach in Hamilton. Find her at annebokma.com