It took me a long time, but I've finally fallen in love with being gay | Eleanor Margolis

I owe my happiness to the queer friends I made. And to my younger self who hated being gay: all is forgiven

I was lying awake the other night, thinking about death, when I realised something big. Of all the things I could be reincarnated as - a tapeworm, a dung beetle, a writer (again) - the thing I most fear is coming back as straight. Honestly, the idea sends a shiver down my spine. Because, no disrespect to my straight friends, but I don't know how they get through the day. Straight women, in particular. I don't understand how they go through life, dealing with the whole power dynamic in opposite-sex relationships, without even the option of dating other women. I don't think I could hack it, and they have my utmost respect.

It's not just the romantic side of things, though - over the years, being gay has shifted my entire worldview. It's made me think twice about every social norm, from the nuclear family to uncomfortable footwear. And I'm not saying that all straight people lack the imagination to challenge these things too, but being gay really helps. Recently, it dawned on me that I'm perfectly within my right to shop for clothes in the men's section, and that in itself has been a revelation. Again, I know straight women who do this. But when it comes to wearing men's" clothes with any real ease and confidence, being a lesbian just helps.

Eleanor Margolis is a columnist for the i newspaper and Diva

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