My white friends trivialise racism by labelling everything racist. How do I tell them to stop? | Sisonke Msimang

Allyship' can often be used to hold us hostage, writes Sisonke Msimang, and ironically when real racism rears its head, it can be hard to find allies

• Ms Understanding is an advice column for everyone on everyday issues around race

Dear Ms Understanding,

My white friends have gotten increasingly comfortable with labelling people as racist in an offhanded manner, even when the person isn't racist. It makes me uncomfortable as it feels like they are trivialising racism and ignoring actual racist issues. I'd like to know how to tell them to stop without them instantly getting defensive and saying they're an ally.