What have I learned after three years of dog ownership? Never trust a vet | Adrian Chiles

Attempts to upsell me on treatments for my little lad include medicines, supplements and even post-castration minerals. It's MBA-level marketing zealotry

If you want a terrifying insight into what privatised primary healthcare could look like, get a pet and find a vet. It is not just that veterinary care is expensive - it is all the upselling that comes with it. As with private human healthcare, you sense that the gravitational pull is towards selling you as much treatment as possible rather than the minimum that is sensible or necessary.

My dog celebrated his third birthday this week. Well, he didn't technically celebrate anything because he didn't know it was his birthday because he's a dog. Though he may have had a vague notion that something positive for him was in the air because my mum snuck him a handful of sliced ham, which is not something she normally does, however long and however imploringly he gazes at her.

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster, writer and Guardian columnist