Cop Tries To Kill An Arrestee Because Nature Happened

Cops see themselves as the roughest, toughest warriors to ever hit the mean streets. They adorn themselves with blue line" flags and Punisher logos (hilarious, that last one), gear up in military garb, wave weapons at all and sundry whilst shouting at the top of their lungs. But when it comes to doing regular police work, they're more skittish than that cast-off cop dog you adopted from the shelter, urinating itself the moment they're startled.

And by urinating themselves, I mean opening fire into their own police car while an arrestee is handcuffed in back. And by cast-off cop dog, I mean a regular human cop that was startled into a one-way shootout by something that happens millions of times a day all over the nation.

Before we get to the rest of this post, let's all enjoy (as much as we can, knowing there's an innocent human being on the other end of this gunfire) Florida deputy Jesse Hernandez's histrionics, as captured by his own body camera:

Wow. Just imagine the danger. I mean, Deputy Hernandez certainly did. Here's Jordan Pearson, covering this debacle for Vice.

In a video that has gone viral on social media this week both for its absurdity and terrifying implications, Deputy Jesse Hernandez hears an acorn drop onto his car. In response, he dramatically rolls on the ground while repeatedly shouting shots fired!" and unloading his sidearm into the vehicle, shattering its back window.

Man. What a hero. Running toward the sound of... um... acorns dropping. You know, like a squirrel. Except a squirrel isn't packing heat and certainly wouldn't have mistaken that noise for something life-threatening.

What's not so funny is the fact that Florida resident Marquis Jackson was handcuffed and directly in the line of fire. He had no options other than to try to be as tiny as possible as Deputy Hernandez went all bullet hell because he mistook the sound of an acorn falling on his car (almost imperceptible in the video) as a gun popping off, presumably from the direction of his cruiser.

That would be stupid enough. But Hernandez immediately made it worse by declaring (in a very loud voice) that something had happened that actually didn't happen.

After rolling on the ground, Hernandez shouted I'm hit!"-he had not been hit-and told [Sergeant Beth] Roberts that shots were coming from inside the car. Roberts also unloaded her firearm at the vehicle as Jackson lay in the backseat.

Now, it's two law enforcement officers responding to the sound of acorn fire. Hernandez, stud that he is, shouted shots fired" four times and I'm hit" one time. He was wrong five times. His partner was only wrong because she believed Deputy Hernandez at least once.

Any good news to report? A little. An internal investigation into this incident found Deputy Hernandez's actions were not justified. His partner was justified in responding with deadly force considering she believed her partner was under attack, but even the sheriff said that arrestees have as much of a right to survive their arrest as the officers arresting them. In this case, Hernandez was completely in the wrong.

So, why was Hernandez employed by the Okaloosa Sheriff's Department? It certainly wasn't his law enforcement experience (because he didn't have any). It was likely because no one loves a man in a uniform more than other men in uniform.

[Hernandez] said that he did not have prior law enforcement experience but that he trained at West Point and served as an infantry and special forces officer for a decade, which included two rotations in Afghanistan.

Who doesn't like someone who can remain cool under fire? A vet with years of experience? Sign him up.

Oh wait.

He said that he never faced combat because he was an officer.

The streak remains intact! He still has never faced combat! And he's still an officer! Drinks all around! And why not, your tax dollars are paying for them!

As you know, I am very hesitant to criticize police officers because they face unknown dangers every day. Most of us have the luxury of living our lives in comfort without facing the day-to-day reality of being threatened by falling proteins. For that, we should be grateful. Because if it wasn't for Deputy Hernandez and his swift reactions, an arrestee would have had no reason to legitimately fear for his own safety.