War and peace: those words are forbidden in Russia today | Elena Kostyuchenko

My mother plaits camouflage nets for soldiers, and when we try to talk about what's happening in Ukraine we end up shouting

• Elena Kostyuchenko is a Russian journalist

Every night, I am back in Russia. Last night, Mama and I were walking through a wet, springtime forest. We were going to bury the dead cat we carried in a box.

I haven't been to Russia in two years. I went on assignment to Ukraine in February 2022, but there was no returning: in the eyes of the Russian state my work became a crime, which put my life in danger. My Russia now is only dreams and voices.

Elena Kostyuchenko is a Russian journalist and the author of I Love Russia: Reporting from a Lost Country. This article was translated by Ilona Yazhbin Chavasse

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