Pointless hats, trousers that are too short, trousers that show off your bum … I’ll never understand fashion | Adrian Chiles

I'm not ashamed of my ankles, or of my M&S underpants. But why flaunt them?

Blokes wearing hats indoors - beanie hats. What's that all about? It does my, well, head in. But seriously, why? I was in a fancy restaurant yesterday morning and there a chap was, beanie on, tapping importantly on a laptop, nibbling on something or other without taking his eyes off the screen. What with this intellectual endeavour - on top of the generous, ambient warmth of the room - his brain would surely overheat. Let it breathe a bit, mate, for heaven's sake.

If there is some shame or insecurity in play here, my apologies. But I pick up the pungent scent of pure affectation. The indoor hat is only a tiny click on the dial away from indoor sunglasses. Perhaps I'm just jealous, because the beanie, inside or outside, is one of several fashion choices I can never make. Apart from anything else, they tend to make me look more like Benny from Crossroads than the actual Benny from Crossroads.