How much do you love your children? With prom season approaching, it’s time for more competitive parenting | Zoe Williams

From crisps, to screens, to nits, there's nothing that can't be weaponised by a sufficiently motivated mother or father

When our kids are small, parents flex at each other over things such as food (crisps or not?), toys (wooden or plastic?), screens (none or loads?) - we'll compete over anything. The toddlers don't notice; they're too busy squabbling over every resource that isn't infinite. That's why everyone in this bracket always looks so tired. Then they all pretend it's because they didn't get enough sleep.

There's a really long mid-childhood period where the hierarchy of parental excellence can be measured using only one metric: does your kid have nits? No way, does your kid still have nits?