The selfishness secret: embrace the liberating, life-enhancing power of saying no

We are conditioned to please others, to agree to things to avoid causing hurt or upset. But sometimes, to be happy, we must prioritise our own needs

My mother has been through a remarkable transformation since she became a widow more than a year ago. She has a new mantra, which is: I'd rather not." I think she may have seen it on an embroidery meme. Whatever its origins, I have found it inspiring, and I think it may be a key lesson for building a better life.

I have changed the details of this story, but kept the gist: let's say she was recently invited to join a book group by one of our mutual friends, but she did not want to go. Rather than suffer monthly invitations to attend something she had no desire to go to, and have to invent a different excuse each time, or worse, go, she simply delivered her mantra: I'd rather not."