It’s goodbye to disposable vapes – for former fans like me, not a moment too soon | Hannah Ewens

Next year's ban in England and Wales will put an end to one of the most embarrassingly era-defining trends of the early 2020s

There's a certain combination of hedonism and delusion that the disposable vape smoker knows well. You don't vape, not really, and you could quit anytime you'd like. You're only vaping because it's a fun little indulgence, a treat. You tell yourself this while heading to the shop to buy one more, mentally noting: This will be the last." But as soon as the vape is drained, you're back again.

I loved being trapped in this cycle of self-deception. On the outside, it may have seemed like I was trapped, but inside, there was freedom in setting aside all my other obsessions and psychological compulsions to focus solely on my next hit. Better yet, this craving was so socially acceptable that I could satisfy it anywhere, anytime. I quickly reached a point of going through at least one disposable vape a day. For someone who's never had a vape phase, that might sound like the equivalent of smoking a single cigarette a day. But it's not the same at all: a disposable vape can pack as much nicotine as one or two packets of cigarettes. With my rate of consumption, this little treat cost about 150 a month, and the habit only intensified after I was working from home with no co-workers to witness my habit (or shame). I indulged more than ever, the rhythm of my day punctuated only by a few seconds between vape inhalations.

Hannah Ewens is a freelance editor and writer, and the author of Fangirls: Scenes From Modern Music Culture