I spent years unlearning an eating disorder – then I was told to diet for health reasons. This is what it taught me | Amelia Tait

First I had anorexia, then high cholesterol. It's hard to maintain a healthy relationship to food in a society obsessed with weight loss

When I was a teenager suffering from anorexia, I thought it was a life sentence. I genuinely believed slogans like every woman has an eating disorder" and couldn't imagine a future where calories didn't make me sweat. With this in mind, you must understand that I'm boasting when I write this next sentence: in November 2024, I was diagnosed with very high" cholesterol.

After years of restriction, I spent my 20s unable to understand why every meal shouldn't be the maximum amount of delicious. This means that last year, I was regularly melting a packet of white chocolate buttons on my morning porridge before heading out for a white chocolate matcha with cream, followed by a cheese and egg sandwich in a brioche bun, a slice of cake, fried chicken and chips, to say nothing of the bread and butter before dinner and dessert. In short, I was smashing through my recommended daily allowance of saturated fat and loving every second of it. Treats", to my mind, are not something that have to be earned.

Amelia Tait is a freelance features writer

In the UK, Beat can be contacted on 0808-801-0677. In the US, help is available at nationaleatingdisorders.org or by calling ANAD's eating disorders hotline at 800-375-7767. In Australia, the Butterfly Foundation is at 1800 33 4673. Other international helplines can be found at Eating Disorder Hope

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