CIA Refuses To Release Osama's Porn Collection Information To Bro Who Submitted FOIA For It

Who could have possibly thought that something of interest would actually come out of something called BroBible? As it turns out, the site that calls itself the best place for all the world's bros to gather on the internet -- which sounds horrible -- has created a bit of interest after BroBible editor David Covucci filed an FOIA request with the CIA for a listing of the pornography the government has long claimed it found in the Pakistani compound where the Osama bin Laden raid occurred.

We at the men's general interest publication BroBible dot com (one of the nation's largest websites for men), would like to know what pornographic materials Osama Bin Laden had in his possession at the time of his death.

We are adults. We can handle it. We would like to know what kind of porn the world's most wanted man jerked it to. Does being under the constant threat of capture require extra stimulation? I imagine it would be hard for him to focus on his dick, so I figure he had to watch some really nasty shit.

Well-filed, bro, well-filed. Not well enough, however, as the CIA responded to his bro-ness, denying his request and claiming that any information about any pornography the CIA might have from the bin Laden compound fell under the designation of an "operational file" and was therefore exempt from release upon an FOIA request. As Vice News explains, operational files are very specific things that cover very specific kinds of information. Essentially, information falls under an operational file designation if it deals with how America is conducting foreign intelligence gathering, who we might be working with in that regard, any specifics about the technology we're using to conduct our spycraft, or any information that would reveal who we are looking at overseas. None of that really applies to a terrorist king's spank bank.

"It seems like a stretch to call these [pornographic] materials operational files," said Steven Aftergood, the director of the Project on Government Secrecy. "Although they may have been obtained in the course of an operation, they do not have anything to do with the planning or conduct of the operation. So they don't really fit the definition of an operational file in the CIA Information Act."

But the CIA had another excuse for not releasing the information, and it's a classic. Yes, the CIA said that United States law forbade the CIA from mailing out "obscene or crime-inciting matter." Now, I realize through, ahem, research for this post that the names of skin-flicks can sometimes take on the use of colorful language, but does the CIA's genteel sensibility really trump the public's rights under the Freedom of Information Act? Or is the concern centered more on some strange notion that the government embarrassing bin Laden by revealing his wank-files will inspire acts of violence? Either way, this silly request from BroBible doesn't deserve such a silly response from the CIA.

Covucci told VICE News in an email that he's determined to get his hands on bin Laden's porn. He plans to appeal the CIA's decision and file a separate request with ODNI.

"It's fucking Kafka-esque obfuscation bullshit they are hiding behind," he said.

Yeah, bro.

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